SCARLETT JOHANSSON to star in new LUC BESSON flick. I can’t even.

Scarlett Johansson.

Scarlett Johansson, she who inspires the fires of my loins. Luc Besson, he who makes really awesome, awful, and entertaining action flicks. These two will be paired in eternity. Or at least for a movie.

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Remember when Luc Besson said he was retiring? That was pretty funny (and short-lived). Dude has never been busier and is a mogul now, first and foremost, at the head of the very successful production house EuropaCorp. And the Besson brand, for better or worse, now stands in for mid-budget action fare like “Taken,” “Columbiana” and “Lockout” that even if they don’t do well in theaters, don’t cost much to make, and tend to have a long shelf life. And while as a director he’s currently working on “Malavita” with Robert De Niro and Michelle Pfeiffer, it looks like he’s ready to return to his familiar milieu of women kicking ass.

Besson is lining up his next action flick, entitled “Lucy,” and has snagged Scarlett Johansson to lead the movie. Besson penned the script as well and it follows a woman who is forced to become a drug mule — okay, sounds fine — who finds the substances have entered her body instead — okay, interesting — “transforming her into an ass-kicking machine.” What. The. Fuck. THR adds that additionally, she’ll “absorb knowledge instantaneously, is able to move objects with her mind and can’t feel pain and other discomforts.” So drugs turn a young woman into an X-Men member? Cocaine is a hell of a drug.