This Week On The Walking Dead: Clear

ROAD TRIP!!! Walking Dead 2min Redux is going on a run. This week we take it back to where it all began: Rick’s little podunk town in Kentucky or wherever the hell he was from. Carl continues to come of age in a super dark way, and Michonne gets to prove her already obvious value to the group. Special psycho guest spot from our ol’ pal Morgan makes for a good time as well. So hit the 7-11, stock up on your cornuts and beef jerky, and hop in. It’s gonna be a long ride. I call shotgun!

An obvious improvement from last week’s dumbest episode of the year, “Clear” was not too bad in the scheme of things. Still that doesn’t excuse it from some pretty obvious gaping plot holes. But we have seen much worse from the all star team at AMC. My biggest gripe is they drove like 10 fucking hours across the country to get supplies for a fight with the Governor. Why not just move the group to Rick’s old town? If I were them, I would go back to the prison, get everyone together and make my own Woodbury up there, far away from the Governor’s reach. The town was already pretty much cleared by Morgan’s psycho ass, and the place is much more inviting than a dumb old shitty prison, 10 mins from your enemies. Plus it’s Ricks ol’ stomping grounds. He could post up and say he is/was the local Sheriff, and actually still have some credibility. Nah, let’s just stock up on weapons and head back to the gang war.

Second, WTF is Morgan’s problem? He can’t remember Rick? He can’t remember the dude who set him up with the weapons cache? The dude who told him exactly how to survive? Cmon son! He might be a little crazy from grief and loneliness, but that wouldn’t make him totally fucking stupid. It just seems a little ridiculous.

My last issue is, why are they so ridiculously against picking up the hitchhiker? I know the dude might be dangerous, but those 3 shouldn’t be too scared of one dude. Maybe he could be useful. Maybe he had some good logistical knowledge or some sort of skill that had kept him alive this long. Would it have hurt to at least feel him out? They are being a little overdramatic about who they interface with. It’s like they spent a few weeks on a farm with Hershel, and now they are bonded for life. But if they meet anyone out in society, they could care less. Maybe you should recruit anyone you can to fight the Governor. It just doesn’t make sense to me. Oh well.


We start out on the road…
CARL: Are we there yet? This road trip is super boring.
HITCHHIKER: Whoa dudes!!! Wait up!!! I’ll suck yo di-
RICK: Smell ya later brah. Hahahaha what a tool. Sorry boutcha!
2 seconds later…
MICHONNE: Shit. We’re stuck for like no reason.
RICK: Shit. We’re surrounded for like no reason.
They kill off the zombies and get the car unstuck…
RICK: Let’s GTFO before that hitchhiker catches up to us. Peace out biatch!
HITCHHIKER: Wait wait wait. I have information that might be useful to you. I used to be a scientist for the government. That’s how I survived this long on my own! I KNOW THE CURE!!!! I just need a ride so I can make enough antidote…
RICK: These zomber traps are crazy. Dude who lives here is a friggin genius.
MASKED GUNMAN: GTFO!!! You are not welcome here!!!
CARL: Fuck you. Nobody tells me what to do.
RICK: I don’t know how a shot to body armor on your chest would render you unconscious, but…HOLY SHIT that’s my old pal Morgan!!! Let’s take him inside, instead of poppin’ another cap in him.
They find booby traps on the way in…
RICK: That welcome mat doesn’t mean welcome at all! Sneaky Morgan. Very sneaky.
RICK: Wait Michonne! This fishing wire might be a booby trap too…hahah boobie.
RICK: Almost got us again Morgan, you sneaky devil. Almost.
RICK: So THAT’s where my gun cache went. Totally forgot I queued Morgan in to my stash.
CARL: Welp. Everything here looks to be in order. I’m going to go on a run for some shit. Cmon Michonne, let’s vamp.
They go on the run…
MICHONNE: Whoa Carl. Watchout now. I got this.
CARL: Hahaha! Spin move. I’m out.
CARL: I really was leading you to this BBQ spot so I could nab this pic of our family. It’s the last one left, and I want to show my baby Sis what our crazy retarded mother looked like.
MICHONNE: It looks like everyone died together while they were eating BBQ. We need to be sneaky.
MICHONNE: Oh shit! They heard us. Let’s GTFO!!!
Carl drops the photo in the escape…
CARL: I really need that photo. Our mom was so stupid. Judith needs to know what stupid looks like.
I went back to get it. No problemo.
CARL: God my mom was such a dumb bitch.
MICHONNE: I also nabbed this stupid rainbow colored cat. DERP.
Meanwhile back at Morgan’s fortress…
RICK: Awww damn Morgan. I wish things could have been different. Blah blah blah…
MORGAN: I don’t know who this crazy cracker is, but I’m gonna kill em. Dat’s for sure.
RICK: Morgan NO!!! It’s me Rick. Remember the dude who gave you all the sweet guns and shit? Don’t you remember?!? OUCH!!! You totally stabbed me in my heart damnit!!! That really hurts!!! Almost as bad as you not remembering me.
MORGAN: All you crackers look the same to me. I never seen you before in mah lyfe.
MORGAN: Oh wait. I do remember you kind of. You sure look a lot greasier than last time we hung out.
RICK: I haven’t showered in like 2 years damn near. We have showers at the prison I been chillin at, but who has time for that? In fact, you should come back there with us. Fuck my safe former community you have to yourself. Come back to the prison where we are gearing up for a major gang war, and where the conditions are super shitty.
MORGAN: Nah. I think I’m just gone stay here.
RICK: Suit yourself. Prison is awesome. Totally worth dying for a few fences and a shitty compound.
They pack up the supplies and head back to the prison…
CARL: I can’t wait to get home and kill the Governor. It’s going to be awesome.
CARL: Also Dad, don’t worry about Michonne. She cool. Trust me.
RICK: If Carl says you are allright, that’s good enough for me. Welcome to the family, Michonne.
CARL: Hey look. There goes that stupid hitchhiker from before. HAHHA! Sucks to be you!
CARL: Oh snap. He left his backpack…
RICK: Awesome. That’s way more useful than him. Stupid scientist.
The End.

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