This Week On The Walking Dead: Suicide King

Whooooweeee. Saddle up partna! It’s that time of the year again. Time for a good ol’ fashioned Walking Dead 2min Redux. Rick and the boys are back at it, smashing skulls and over acting. So put on your shitkickers, and let’s get fifthly in this bitch.

Second half of the season starts off pretty sparse with a few choice nugs. A few diamonds in the rough. People was bitchin at the Dixons. Why is everyone tryna break them up like foster children? Also, Rick goes crazy again, thanks to Ghost Lori. She continues to be a giant turd even in the afterlife.

Tyrese and the new guys are around, but we were too busy putting out the drama fires to deal with them this week. Beyond that, it’s all pretty much in the report. One last shout out goes to 2 relatively new blogs I found in my research: Sneaky Daryl, and Wandering Carl. Sneaky Daryl is my jam right now.

Suicide King

We pick off where we left off. The Govna has pitted Daryl and Merle in a battle to the death for really like no reason other than to be a dick…

DARYL: What are we going to do now Merle?
MERLE: Follow my lead. These dudes are stupid as fuck. I should know.
MERLE: SEE! Now instead of fighting each other, we are fighting zombers. All we need now is a distraction…

Rick and the others attack with smoke grenades at that very moment…

DARYL: Yoink! Thanks for holding my bow, biatch. We out.
THE GOVERNOR: Damn. Only thing left to do is to go into super evil pouty mode.

Everyone escapes to a checkpoint…

MERLE: Sup sugar tits? Did ya’ll miss me?
MERLE: I done forgot how ya’ll a bunch of puss– (derp)
RICK: Now Daryl, I know he is your brother and all, but we can’t be brining Merle back into the family. The dude is a total cocksucker.
DARYL: Say what?!? Merle and I are a package deal. End of discussion.
DARYL: You guys are assholes. I would never make you choose between me or your fucked up relatives. I’m looking at you Rick. I never said shit about LORI’s punkass. If I have to choose, I’m out.
RICK: Daryl wait! What about Carol???
DARYL: Fuck that ugly biatch. Fuck you too. We out. DIXONS 4 LYFE!!!
GLEN: DAMNIT RICK!!! You let the coolest, strongest, sneakiest, deadliest dude in the group leave!!!
GLEN: I’m so fucking tired of you and your crazy bullshit RICK!!! RAGESTOMP!!!

They make it back to the prison…

BETH: Oh Rick! I’m so glad you saved my sister! You’re my hero!
RICK: Ummmmmm did anyone else catch that? That was quite literally tongue-in-cheek.
CAROL: AWWW. Where is Daryl? Womp womp.

Meanwhile back at Woodbury…

ANDREA: I got this shit. No problemo.
ANDREA: Oh noes! This dude’s been bitten, and is writhing around in agony. What should we do?
THE GOVERNOR: Pout. Pout. Pout. Pout. Pout.

Meanwhile back at the prison…

MAGGIE: I think Glen totally hates me. You should have seen him ragestomp that zomber.
RICK: Ok you new guys have gots to go…I…Umm…
GHOST LORI: Rick…Rick…I have come to fuck more shit up. Ouuuuuu Ouuuuuu.
RICK: (Unintelligible crazy-person noises)

The End.

Bonus Memes