Variant Covers: Alan Moore’s Beard Is Your God Now.

There’s! There’s! There’s comic books dropping this week. As per every week, lest the Good Lords strike me dead. I can’t fathom living in a world without the weekly comic book shuffle. Snag the rags, dissect the diegesis and party until my pants come off. This is Variant Covers, the column where I blather about the funny books dropping this week that are keeping my sanity afloat.


Spaceman #2
Brian Azzarello and Edwardo Risso are dropping their second installment of the dark, entertaining science fiction book. Did you miss the initial issue? C’mon man! Or woman! It was only one buck. That’s like, inconsequential at this point in our wonderful times. That sort of deal is enough to get a thousand-ravaged Soccer Mom keeping in your sternum. The only problem is that it was a comic book and not some limited edition Fuzzy Gender Enforcing Doll. It also didn’t hurt that it was madcap wonky fun.

Yeah, I’m just combining words right now.



Haunt #19
What the hell is Haunt? I have no goddamn idea. Why am I recommending it? ‘Cause it’s a new creative team jumping aboard, and the diabolical bastard penning the story is none other than Joe Casey. My boy Casey has been pumping out issues of Butcher Baker this year which are seven shades of fucking insanity. It’s a slow comic book week here for me (yeah I’m too far behind to read Fables #111, lay off) so I think I’m going to rub my fingers across the swollen glory of these pages.

If I remember. There’s a good chance I’ll forget, too busy oogling a life-size Buffy cut-out or some shit.

Seriously though, does anyone know what the fuck Haunt is?


Ultimate Comics Ultimately Ultimates #4
The comic book with the worst title in the Marvel branch is also home to some of the most delicious, nutritious, and entertaining superhero team-up time you’re going to find anywhere. Fuck the Lee/Johns Justice League reboot. This is the hotness. Esad Ribic over Lee’s stale-assed pencils any day! Any day. You disagree? Meet me outside. I’m the kid in the fudge-rifted fruit of the loom undies. Eyes drunk with caffeinated oblivion. Just wait until my heart stops momentarily as it does once a day, and kick me in the ribs until I yield. You’ll be doing me a favor.

No seriously though this comic is fantastic, and since it is in the Ultimate universe, Hickman is given carte blanche to do whatever the fuck he wants. It smells like Ellis’ Authority, and looks like Heaven’s Bosoms. I’ll take it.


Shaman Alan Moore’s Future Shocks Completed Edition
Big-ups to Douglas Wok over at Comic Alliance for bringing this bastard to my attention. Back in the wayback days when I was but a nascent tickle in my dad’s testicles (one I’m certain more than one person has wished he never answered), Moore wrote a great amount of short one-off science fiction stories for 2000 AD. Stapled into the gaping cavity is the entire collection. Santa Claus is coming soon guys. If you’ve been a good little soldier for Capitalist Jesus, I suggest you ask for this little puppy. I know I will be.


Around The Horn:
Everyone is continuing to cheer for Daredevil, whose sixth issue is coming out this week. I may have to discard my antipathy forged in the fires of the first issue of Waid’s reboot and check it out. Also from Marvel comes the Kathryn Immonen penned Avengers: Thor: Origins: For The Movie Tie-In Duh #1. I don’t read the title, but Angel And Faith #4 features Rebekah Isaacs on art. That alone is tempting. Super Dinosaur #6 has dinosaurs…super-ing? I’m not sure.

Anyways I’m done blathering. What (better) comic books are you snagging this week?