ASPIRIN Stops The Spreading of CANCER. We All Look Surprised.

My girlfriend works in a field where she regularly deals with impressive science wizards who gather to discuss their attempts to stop diseases. My general refrain is “when are these dudes and dudettes going to actually cure  something?” I’m a reductive fuck, I know. Now I have some more ammunition. These goon-wizards are performing their little miracles while the obvious cure has been on a shelf at the nearby pharmacy. Aspirin.


It’s old news that aspirin  can reduce cancer risk, but a new study conducted at the University of Oxford suggests that it can stop the spread of cancer in patients who already have the disease, too.

The research, conducted by Peter Rothwell and published  in The Lancet, adds to a growing body of evidence that suggests aspirin is an effective anti-cancer drug. It’s been known for over a year that the drug can  cut cancer risk by over 60 per cent–and  it’s now speculated  that it achieves this by affecting blood platelets to reduce inflammation.

But  the new study also  suggests that cancer patients who take daily aspirin for 6.5 years have almost half the chance of their cancer spreading as those who don’t take the drug. It’s tempting to suggest that aspirin is a miracle drug, but it does bring with it some side effects–such as internal bleeding–so the researchers urge people to seek advice before taking aspirin as a matter of course.

Internal bleeding? I’ll take that over my eventual death by prostate cancer. It’s how I go. That, or choking on a peanut butter sandwich while reclining and watching Sportscenter at 2:30 am.