OCTOBERFEAST – Brach’s Autumn Mix

[OCTOBERFEAST is the greatest celebration of the year, a revelry dedicated to pop-culture’s most nutritious Halloween detritus. Plastic screams and artificial sweeteners have never been more bountiful. In the old country, villagers refer to the extended party as Satan’s Snacktime]

While Satan’s Snacktime is rooted in traditions of terror, it’s also dedicated to progress. Lookin’ ahead. Celebratin’ the future we call now. As such, the 2011 edition of OCTOBERFEAST will be known as a great revelry of inclusivity. After all, segregation sucks. Even in the candy world.

When autumn hits, all sorts of muthafuggahs be snackin’ on candy corn. And I don’t blame `em, cause that shit is delicious. You’ll never catch me complaining about festively-shaped handfuls of pure sugar. So if it’s candy corn that you include as part of the sacrificial dowry necessary for entrance into the OCTOBERFEAST, you’ll be admitted.

But if you roll up with a couple of bags of Autumn Mix, you’ll be commended by ghouls and ghosts and she-bitches alike.

The basis of Autumn Mix is, in fact, candy corn. The yellow-and-white sugar-triangles stick to my teeth and ruin my gums, but taste good all the way down. Hell, candy corn might even be my second-favorite corn, as it’s light-years ahead of creamed and on the cob, but just behind popped.

But the additional ingredients are what secure the mix a spot in the ceremonial OCTOBERFEAST felled-enemy-skull candy-dish. Candy pumpkins may taste exactly the same as candy corn, but the rotund form and rich orange hue make them a welcome complement. Moreover, Big Daddy Brach has also included candy corn’s evil doppleganger, Indian corn. The only discernable difference between the two is the fact that Indian corn features a smidge of chocolate. It’s not much, but good lawdy does it make a difference.

Brief aside – shouldn’t Indian corn be called Native American corn? Or does this candy actually originate from India? Perhaps Columbus was hoping to get to India just so that he could bring back sugar-based dental-nightmares back to Europe?

For more information about Brach’s wonderful mix, feel free to go to their totally uninformative website: Here.

Also, I was hoping to find an entertaining video about Brach’s Autumn Mix on YouTube. Unfortunately, my cursory search did not yield any results I would’ve expected. In fact,   “autumn mix” seems to be a popular tag for techno-mixes set to still shots of babe butts.

So that is what you get. Enjoy!