Variant Covers: Only Assholes Think Superheroes Really Die.

As I type this, I’m sipping some cold suds. Non-alcoholic mind you, it’s a work night. Birdies blather from green trees outside the window, and I perspire from the warm Summer air. It’s a bit of a pleasant time to be inhabiting Spaceship Earth, alongside the Eastern seaboard of the Northern Americas. Life is good. To compliment all of that, the installment of this week’s funny books drops tomorrow.

Here’s what I find interesting hittin’ shelves.

Let me know what you’re feigning for.

—-

Ultimate Spider-Man #160.
The big comic book of the week is the final installment in the ‘Death of Spider-Man’ storyline rampaging across the Ultimate universe. With a title such as it has, it’s been known for months that Parker is going to die some kind of death, be it figurative or literal. For some reason Marvel continued its policy of revealing the details of the finale to a big event early, dropping a dime to USA Today. If you can’t wait until you snag the issue, you can read all the spoilers right here. Be warned. There’s spoilers.

More so than the storyline, regardless of how it ends, what strikes me more about this Event with a capital ‘E’ and bold face is just how apathetic I am towards it. There was a time when the Ultimate universe meant something to me. That was eons ago. After Jeph Loeb rampaged throughout countless characters in the totally X-TREME ‘Ultimatum’, I punched out.

Don’t care.

How about you? Is the Ultimate universe anything that titillates your tits? Or are you as apathetic as me?

Death of Spider-Man, Birth of Three-Armed Thordin Guy, it doesn’t matter. A far cry from the days when Ultimate Spidey was my favorite title starring the Webslinger, and the Millar/Hitch run on ‘Ultimates’ as my go-to team-up book.

—-

Action Comics #902.
It’s a weird time for the DC Universe. It’s that awkward transition, where you can sense the end, and you’re still trying to have fun despite seeing the Abyss. Like staring at Nana and knowing you’re going to be stifling yawns at her funeral in six months. Or the summer before college with your high school squeeze. I love you, you’re perfect, I’m going to be chasing ass in dorm rooms by the middle of September.

The end, the end, the end is coming.

So Action Comics continues on, yet it’s going to be relaunched in a couple of months. What’s the point, man! The saddest thing about Action Comics as currently constituted is that it once again features Sir Clark Kent. No knock against him, just get him the fuck out of the title. Despite initially lamenting cramming him into the title, I miss Lex Luthor. Giving him, what, ten issues?, was fantastic.

It was a neat spin, and now it’s back to business as usual. Superman fighting Doomsday. Yawn.

At least for me, Grant Morrison is taking over the title when it relaunches. That’s like knowing you’re going to lose the girl you dated for four years, but you’re going to get a gorgeous nerdy chick with glasses when it’s all said and done.

End extended metaphor.

—-

Titles I’m Not Reading This Week, But Should Be.
There’s a litany of titles that I’m either not reading, or I’ve fallen behind on. That doesn’t mean that these titles aren’t worth reading. If you consider yourself privileged enough to be reading every single title worth purchasing, I envy both your time, devotion, and wallet. For starters, there’s Fables #106. I’ve only read a couple arcs of Fables, but they’ve treated me kindly. Then there’s DMZ #66, which has Wood’s title marching towards its conclusion. I need to catch up!, dammit. I want to be able to pry open the final issue and weep with sadness when it ends.

Man, DMZ ending, and Northlanders canceled. The world is lesser, deprived of Wood.

—-

Wolverine #11.
I should come clean. I’m a pretty big Wolverine fan. I cannot defend how much he’s overused. I cannot defend all the titles he’s in. I enjoy the crap out of him when it’s written well. Loved Old Man Logan, Days of Future Past. Of course. Even though he took a lesser role in Whedon’s Astonishing, I enjoyed that as well.

So I’m really liking Jason Aaron’s run on Wolverine. In fact Aaron is so solid that I may even bite the bullet and check out ‘Wolverine and the X-Men’ when it drops later in the year. Part of the problem, I know. I know.

There isn’t much to chew on, in the current storyline. People that Logan has wronged have come together to form the ‘Red Right Hand’ and they’re intent on breaking him. Pretty straight-forward. Mind you, this is after he’s returned from Hell and killed Mystique. If you enjoy Wolverine slashing through motherfuckers in full-on Angst and Berserker Mode, this is for you.

If not, well, I can’t blame you.

—-

That’s it for me this week, my friends. What are you checking out?