Jesus Christ, There Are Cracks In The Universe?

Well fucking hell, there’s cracks in the universe? Usual caveat: it’s probably not correct, it’s highly contested, you know the drill. But let’s just bask in the hypothetical. These theoretical faultlines in the universe are called cosmic strings. The sons a bitches are broken links between different regions of the universe that arose as the universe cooled moments after the Big Bang. Good god, I knew that the universe were merely a program in the Universal Machine! And if all of this shit isn’t confusing enough to my fat brain with its greased synapses, these cosmic strings are one-dimensional, possessing only length, but not width or height. Bah?


Of course, that doesn’t capture the full measure of their one-dimensional weirdness. Since they have no width or height, they are incomprehensibly narrow, with a diameter that would make even a tiny photon look fat. They’re also dense, as a string that’s even a mile long would weigh considerably more than Earth. These strings expanded right along with the universe, ultimately stretching across the entire known universe in a more or less straight line, or forming massive rings many thousands of times bigger than our galaxy.

I just puked Doritos and Dew all over my fucking tits trying to comprehend this bullshit. My testicles puckered, and receded into my guts a little at this magnitude.

We’ve not yet directly observed these strings, but researchers at the University of Buffalo say they’ve found clear indirect proof. They studied 355 quasars – incredibly bright galaxies with super-massive black holes at their center – at the furthest corners of the observable universe. All quasars emit massive energy jets pointed in a particular direction, and through very careful study it’s possible to figure out the directions of the jets.

183 of those quasar jets lined up to form a pair of enormous rings in the sky, suggesting two massive circular structures exist – or had existed – to orient the direction of the jets. The only known candidates for such colossal structures are cosmic strings, providing compelling indirect evidence for them. If we confirm the existence of cosmic strings, it will greatly improve our understanding of the formation of the earliest galaxies.

Man, I can’t even see the TV from across the room, what the fuck is going on here? What lies beyond the cracks? This universe thing of ours has faulty hyperlinks, and faultlines. Fucking weird, yo. This universe thing of ours? Pretty fun.