Variant Covers: Rob Liefeld Will Impregnate You With Awesome

Deadpool Corps #1 - OH SHIT

[Variant Covers is a column every Tuesday that breaks down the various titles coming out that week in the world where a dude who is a Levi’s model and clearly touched can be a superstar penciler.]

Deadpool Corps #1

Pop-quiz, fuckers! What’s better than one Deadpool being drawn by Rob Liefeld? Uh! How about an entire fucking squad of Deadpools rolling out, being penciled by my favorite idiot savant? Oh hell yes. Deadpool Corps #1 comes out this week, and I’m fucking stoked. It’s like being excited for a train wreck. My love for the unhinged genius that is Rob Liefeld is well-documented. So this week’s title of the week can’t be anything less than a testament to the utter insanity that is Rob Liefeld and Deadpool.

I mean, we’re not just talking about Deadpool here. No, no, no. We’re talking Deadpool and his merry gang of uh, other Pools? I don’t really know who or what the fuck these people are. But I know they’re called Headpool, Lady Deadpool, Dogpool and Kidpool!

WHAT! No seriously, what the fuck is going on here.

And if you take a gander at the picture, you’ll figure out what I already have; apparently they have lightsabers and are hurtling through space. And Headpool is a disembodied skull. Just fucking insane.

I have no idea what the premise of this title is, nor do I really care to. I’m going to buy it on premise alone. It’s such a throwback to the insane 1990’s and absurd post-modern behavior that I have to buy it. Rob Liefeld is a slice of pizza wrapped in bacon. Even while you consume it and know what an asshole you are for enjoying something so filthy and bad for you, you can’t help but smile. I’m on this like fucking woah.

Lexy Lex

Superman: Secret Origin #5

With all the zombies running around trashing shit and eating brains in the DC Universe, I’ve missed out on following this series. It’s got a recipe for awesome in the creative team. Geoff Johns is the Czar of all things DC, and when he’s not writing awful, awful, heavy-handed, mind-bogglingly shitty dialogue in Blackest Night, I’ve enjoyed him. And then there’s Gary Frank, whose pencils on all thing Superman generally get my loins aflutter. Even though I’m beyond fatigued with every artist interpreting Superman within the funny books as Christopher Reeves, I don’t mind Frank pulling such a stunt.

Why? I don’t know, I guess I find him gorgeous.

Issue #5 of this shit sees Superman finally throwing down with Metallo, which is what every Superman origin story should find him doing. Are you listening, Christopher Nolan? At the end of a Superman origin, the guy needs to punch the crap out of something. He doesn’t need to be shanked by Lester Burnham. Seriously.

I feel bad for having not checked out this series yet in full. Pepsibones bought the first couple of issues, and I skimmed it and said something like “Nice artwork, I have to take a shit” and left it at that.

The Governator

The Governator #1

I can’t figure out if buying this comic, or not buying this comic book, makes you an asshole. I’m so torn. I mean, it’s clearly dirty fucking slopcore. But at the same time, it’s so ridiculous! How the fuck can you not be tempted to see what’s inside of her?

It’s Arnold, as both a Terminator, and the Governor, and Conan. A giant jacked Arnold in comic book form, sent back in time to uh, do stuff?

You know what’s rad? Someone actually got paid to write this shit. And I don’t mean that in a snarky way. Imagine how awesome it would be to be in charge of writing this shit? It’d be like getting paid to have fun. And that’s one of the reasons I imagine a comic book like this could probably be really fun to read. I mean, there’s no way it can take itself serious. Everything must be fucking stellar and over the top.

Vote for me if you want to live? Amazing.

Spider-Man Fever #1

Spider-Man Fever #1

Yeah, I’m doubling up on the Marvel this week. So sorry! But I can’t go without mentioning this title, which seems pretty fucking rad. When I caught the promos for this a couple of months ago, I had no idea what the deal was behind it. It’s being penciled and written by Brendan McCarthy. And after some digging, because I’m an uncultured ignorant fanboy pig, I found out that McCarthy is a pretty big deal in the world of quirky and rad comic books. Hailing from UK, he’s done a cavalcade of interesting things, and so I find the fact that Marvel wanted him to rock out with Dr. Strange and Spidey to be very exciting.

The premise?

Buckle up and dose yourself with your drug of choice:

In FEVER, Spider-Man is abducted by a depraved tribe of spider-demons to a bizarre dimension, where he is to be eaten alive. Dr. Strange goes on a perilous occult quest to rescue his friend–and tangles with some very peculiar characters along the way

Awesome. I mean, as much as I’d like to see Spidey fight the Rhino for the fifteenth time, or accidentally grab Black Cat’s rack for the nineteenth time on some rooftop, this shit seems way more intriguing. The artwork seems as equally trippy as the premise, and I get the feeling this is going to be a righteous comic that most people simply miss as it gets published.

Check it out.