The Bayonetta Import Conundrum


Oh, the tricky lord and the binds he puts me in. My Bayonetta lust is well documented. Not just for the hottie, but for the game itself. Well, it comes out today in Japan. And in the Empire? We’re not getting it until January 29, 2009. Which is fucking awful for me. Why, you ask? For starters, Mass Effect 2 comes out. And secondly, I’m going to be smack dab in the beginning of the semester. Awful situation? Sure. Sort of.

And then yesterday I found out that the Playstation 3 version isn’t just going to be region free, everything is going to be in fucking English. Holy shit! I don’t know what happened that the good lord smiled upon me like that. Except he did it with a wink. Even though I could play it on my PS3, and even though it’s in English, I hesitate.


Because it’s the PS3 version.

Don’t groan, I ain’t even hating. It’s been well-documented that Kamiya and Platinum Games have very little to do with the port to the PS3. Like, almost nothing. In fact, it was the 360 version that received the perfect score in Famitsu, while the PS3 lagged behind by a couple of points.

So here’s the bind: Do I snag the PS3 version from Japan, early? Or do I wait until I can get the “perfect” version in January for the 360?

Let’s be honest, there’s no way that the PS3 is vastly inferior. It scored only two less points that the 360 version (a 38 as opposed to a 40), which indicates it is at least in the same ballpark. And I mean, Jesus Christ, it’s in full English! How the fuck can you beat that? The alternative is waiting until January. Three days after Mass Effect 2, in the middle of a semester, and like, two weeks before Bioshock 2. Why the fuck is the winter becoming the new late Fall as far as video game releases? Not even cool bros, not even cool.

Speaking of the Fall, even the Japanese release is ill-timed for my gaming habits. I’ve barely touched Borderlands, I’m stuck in the crack habit that is WoW. And then there’s Modern Warfare 2, Left 4 Dead 2, Ratchet and Clank, Assassin’s Creed II, et cetera, et cetera. In fact, while I was initially indignant about the lack of a simultaneous release   – no, not Bayonetta and myself, duh! – it sort of makes sense. It would have been buried under the glut of other titles poppin’ off.

Still, it’s hard to rationalize waiting. Bayonetta is sitting out there for me. Right now. She’s beckoning. She’s wearing leather and booty shorts and swimsuits! For me! No seriously, I got an e-mail for me. It said:

Dear Ian,

I’ve been released. Now it’s time for you to open me up, and do a little releasing of your own.



That’s what she asks me to call her when we’re making love on the astral plane. And I do.