‘Suicide Squad’ gets crushed in reviews. Does this Summer suck for blockbusters?


Well, you had one fucking job, Suicide Squad. One fucking job. A small job, a large job, I’m no sure. But a job none the less. Save my summer blockbuster experience. But reviews are coming in, and if they aren’t calling the film a raging dumpster fire (which, by the way, they are), they’re definitely condemning it as more raw-ass DCU detritus. Detritus for the fanboys to gorge themselves on, chins coated in calamitous slop, decrying the critics and their harsh reviewers. Detritus for the critics to sharpen their polemical swords upon, their polemical broadsides upon, swinging said weaponry at low-hanging fecaltainment.

Why did I choose Suicide Squad to save my summer? I don’t know. Maybe because I’ve been so let down by everything else I’ve seen. It was a terrible idea, choosing this film, though. Like choosing your drunk Uncle with the three teeth, four testicles (the Thanksgiving everyone found that one out was horrible), and five DUIs to make-up for your absentee Dad at the baseball banquet. Setting yourself up to be letdown. You should have known better.

I should have known better.

Suicide Squad, though. Suicide Squad is just another film in a really long, unremarkable summer for blockbuster films.

Eduardo and I have been mulling over the idea that this summer is sort of, you know, ass.

Civil War came out a while ago, and has made serious bank and seems to be heading for the Box Office Crown this year. But is that shit even summer? Star Trek Beyond hit with the resonance of a sauna fart, a wet formless, vaguely inoffensive experience, gone before you even appreciated it. I sort of enjoyed itID4-2TMNT 2? Did you even remember them shits dropped? I sure didn’t. Did you even see them? I sure didn’t.

On, and on, and on, the Malaise Wagon has gone through the sweltering streets of Suck Summer, collecting new movies each Friday. On, and on, and on, blah, and blah, and blah.

So I’ll kick it to you, dear readers. Have you been underwhelmed this summer? If you have, can anything save your summer at the movies? And dare I ask it, are you still going to see Suicide Squad?

Me: Yes, no, and of course.