This Week On The Walking Dead:
Walk With Me AND The Killer Within

Awww man. Fuckin T-DOG! We here at the ol’ OL, are shocked and saddened to report the tragic loss of our editorial favorite: Mutha Fuckin T-Dog. Don’t call it a spoiler, cause there is much else to breakdown, but got-damn, not T-Dog!!! Also, since I’m a lazy whore, and week 3 was weak sauce, we are cutting the fat out of your diet in a special double gold edition of TWD 2min Redux. So pop a bottle, and get ready to pour one out for T. God Bless.

Walk With Me took a break from the regulars, and spent an entire episode breaking down how smart, well equipped, and unnecessarily diabolical our new friend The Govna is. We also finally get to see the return of Merle, who I was hoping was going to have an epic confrontation with ol’ T-Dog. T was ultimately responsible for the fuckup that cost Merle his handy (circa season 1)…but it will never be.

The Killer Within had plenty of pseudo-action and plenty of dramz. It stuck with me for a couple days. But upon further review, it’s another example of everyone doing the wrong thing in a time of manufactured crisis. It’s a prison. There a a million places to hole up until help arrives. Why do they have to split up, and run around the cellblocks? How about hopping in a cell and closing the door? Why did Lori have like 5 minutes to have her baby? Why do they act like a C-section is insta-death? The infection would probably kill you. But not for a week or two. It had lots of dramz, but when you fight through the emotion and start asking the tough questions, continuity issues ensue.

Walk With Me

ARMY DUDE: Hang on boys! We’re going down for like literally no reason.
ARMY DUDE: Oh Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-
MICHONNE: Someone is coming!!! Hit the bushes.
THE GOVERNOR: Nice. One of the Army dudes survived. Now we can hunt down and kill his entire unit. That’s how we do!
MICHONNE: These fuckers are giving my zomber slaves zomber boners. Hope they don’t hear our stankasses.
THE GOVERNOR: Do you smell that?
ANDREA: Sup deudes? You got us. We give up.
MERLE: Well, I’ll be the son of a roosters tooter! Good to see you again, carpetmuncher.
MERLE: I haven’t seen you since I lost my pecker-popper.
ANDREA: Opossum Defense Mode

A few hours later…

THE GOVERNOR: So I’m The Governor, this is my community. We good people, just tryna make it in this cruel cruel world. Won’t you join us?
ANDREA: These guys seem nice. Maybe we should quit our lesbian adventure, and settle down with some men.
MICHONNE: Fuck these dudes. We don’t need their penises.


MILTON: You see, when you remove the jaws and teeth, they become a natural fleshlight. SCIENCE!!!
THE GOVERNOR: Great news Milt. Also we found out where the Army Dude’s unit is stationed. We going to pay them a visit real fast.
MERLE: I for one can’t wait to skullfuck a zomber corpse. Whoo-eee.

The Governor rolls up on the ENTIRE unit…

THE GOVERNOR: Hey dudes we got your bro. He is back at our camp and shit…
ARMY DUDE: We must be the worst Army unit in history.
THE GOVERNOR: I know we didn’t have to kill those guys, but we already have too many dicks in this sausage-fest. Check me out.
THE GOVERNOR: By the time we got there, the army dudes were already dead. They left us their fully equipped caravan though. They are patriots.
ANDREA: See! The Govna isn’t such a bad dude. He sure is handsome and charismatic.
MICHONNE: Then why is the caravan litered with blood and bullet holes?

Dramatic Outro…

THE GOVERNOR: Long day of being a two-faced double-crosser…
THE GOVERNOR: It’s time to sit back, have a beer, and watch some tv. Mwhahahaha. I love being so unnecessarily evil.

The End.

The Killer Within

RICK: I have an idea, let’s all go out in the yard and do some pointless work. WTF!!! What are you dipshits doing here?
OSCAR: Bottom-line: we want in man. I’m not trying to sleep in the same cellblock as creeper mustachio alone. What I gotta do to get in your posse?
RICK: Gee. I dunno. We already have 1 black dude, what’s his name again? Anyway, Daryl, what do you think?
T-DOG: Man, ya’ll some racist bitches. Let Oscar in. I don’t care about that creepy white dude, but let anotha brotha in.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the fences…

HERSHEY: Time to give the ol’ invisible leg a test run. Derpy Derp.
ZOMBERS: Where da party at?!?

Rick is 20 feet away, but stuck behind 2 fences…

CAROL: We got this people. Only a couple zombers. Fan out.

Meanwhile back at the other cell block…

T-DOG: Carol you dumbshit. We are supposed to stick together. Now I have to chase after your punkass.
RICK: I instantly regret cutting wholes in the fence 5 miles away.
MAGGIE: We got this. Lori, let’s run into the prison instead of a nearby broom closet.
LORI: Sounds good Maggie. Carl and I will stick with you.
RICK: Still regretting this decision. T-Dog, or whatever your name is…see if you can close the gate!!!
T-DOG: I got you Rick. Carol, watch my back real quick.

A couple minutes later…

RICK: GLENN. DARYL. Zomber kill o’ the week?
DARYL: Check out my steezo!!!
RICK: Let’s figure out who is doing this! Follow me.
DARYL: I got the door. I always got the door.
ANDREW: Surprise bitches!!! It was me!!! You thought you killed me by leaving me in an enclosed area with 30 zombers, but I survived. REVENGE IS MINE.

A scuffle ensues…Ricks gun squirts into Oscar’s hands…

OSCAR: Hold the fuck up a sec. I’m in charge now bitches.
ANDREW: Kill this cracker. Let’s take this shit.
OSCAR: FUCK YOU ANDREW. I want in Rick’s posse.
DARYL: Good look. I was fixin to gut you.

Meanwhile a bitten T-Dog and Carol are on the run.


Somewhere else in the prison…

LORI: I was feeling fine 10 mins ago, but now that we are in a crisis, I think it’s time for the baby. Totally screwing shit up is my thang, ya know.
MAGGIE: Hang on Lori. This might sting a little bit.
LORI: Do what you gotta do. I guess a C section is auto-death. I love you Shane!!!
CARL: I have been waiting 3 seasons to shoot my mom in the face. I’m not even sure she is dead, but idgaf.

A few minutes later back in the yard…

RICK: What’s good? Where’s Lori? Where did that fucking baby come from?
MAGGIE: Lori died yo. Here last fucked up gift to you was Shane’s bastard child.
RICK: Lori died?!? And the bastard-child lived? What a bitch!!! She could have at least stuck around to take care of her mistake.
RICK: Now I’m stuck having to raise Shane’s unforgivable sin on my own?!? Fucking awesome. Can’t wait.
RICK: Of all the fucked up shit that could happen. Damn you LORI!!!

The End.

Bonus Memes