THIS WEEK ON The Walking Dead: Cherokee Rose

We’re greeted this week with a change from the norm.   No shitty voice overs, no terrible flashbacks, no cryptic visions of the future.   Our survivors converge and unite at casa de Green and hopefully puts an end to the jump cuts we were put through last week.   If this recap seems barebones compared to my others, its because nothing happened this episode … NOTHING!!   Seriously … if you have a friend who has not seen anything of Walking Dead, get them into the show, and when you expose them to season 2, skip this episode, they won’t know.

Carl awakens and while he still looks like a brown haired version of Chucky, he looks like he’s on the mend.   So Parents of the year candidates Rick and Lori decide that this is a good time to leave his side for a meet and greet.   The rest of the gang meets Hershel and his family.   Hershel may seem like a nice enough fellow, but believe me; he’s got skeletons in his barn.

The gang lingers as they listed to Shane spin a tale of fiction at the Nation Otis memorial of Lies.   Its obvious that Shane is bothered by his actions as the close of last week’s episode.   Time will tell if this event will shape the man he is going to become.

The Sophia watch continues.   Armed with maps, weapons, and a can do attitude, they resolve to continue the search for Sophia … eventually.   Yea, there’s a lost little girl out there, but why do today what you can put off until you run out of reasons to prolong a storyline.

I was going to make mention of the scene between Shane and Lori.   However even in an episode that even itself isn’t worth noting, this scene isn’t worth noting.   That’s how much this story line is dragging.   The “Who will she choose” drama kinda doesn’t work when one of them is the husband of her child.

Unsatisfied with being sucked into a shitty plotline, Darrell breaks the 4th wall, announces he’s awesome, found Sophia, cured all the zombies, found his brother, invented a perpetual motion machine, colonized Mars, and baked cookies.   When I awoke from my slumber that this episode put me in, all of these things didn’t happen.   However, Darrell did go off on his own to look for Sophia.

Because safety is temporary in this world, Hershel told Rick that he expect the new arrivals to leave when their affairs are settled.   Seems out of character for a nice old man like Hershel.   I guess all the drama of this conversation is removed when you already know what he’s hiding.   I won’t spoil it.

I would have spoiled the fact that Lori asked for a pregnancy test.   Fortunately, I didn’t have to.   This is what Jenner told Rick when they were leaving the shitty story … I mean CDC.   If you recall, Jenner tested all their blood to see if they were infected, well, I’m sure Lori’s came back preggo.   So now the question we have is, Is it Rick’s or Shane’s?   Yay, more drama.   At this point, the zombies are the least of these people’s worries.   They will kill themselves in a matter of weeks.

Dale must have an 8th sense.   He asks about the Green water situation even though they found roughly 50 gallons the other day.   But something bothered him.   He was flustered.   The words, he couldn’t get them out of his head.   He heard them from the well.   The words.   The power they contain.   It sang to him.   In a gentle gust of wind he heard it.   “Hey you guys!”   Ladies and gentlemen, Sloth survived the zombiepocalpse.

We are treated to another sermon from Hershel about god.   God damn I’m bored.   Damn, that was blasphemy.   Oh well, I don’t care.

We take a break from Walking Dead to play America’s favorite new game show.   Are you ready folks for Good Idea/Bad Idea?   Today’s scenario; we have a zombie at the bottom of a well, our best plan is to lower Glenn down there to rope him up like Wonder Woman and then pull both Glenn and the zombie out of the well, and the only thing we have to anchor them is a rusty pump.   So I ask you America, Is this a good idea or a bad idea?   In an odd twist of fate it worked … sorta.   I’ll be honest, even if the zombie didn’t rip in half, there was no way I’m drinking that.   I’m assuming the alimentary canal is still working, so I’m assuming the zombie shit himself at some point.   Best solution?   Find a few bags of cement and dump them down there and walk away.

We then flash to Darrell finding a house.   In keeping with the episode’s theme, nothing happened.

Shane, Andrea, and Carol left supplies for Sophia.   Like Darrell and the house, nothing much happened.

Glenn and Maggie head into tow for supplies.   Glenn is the owner of the World’s Worst Game medal, but still manages to bag himself a farmer’s daughter.   This just goes to show you that when choice is limited, you don’t have to try that hard to bag a hottie.   Competition is there for a reason fellas.   It brings out the best in us.   Can you imagine how hard Glenn used to try for women?   Now all he has to do is hold up a box of rubbers and he becomes an Asian James Bond.

At this point the episode is about as unfocused as a drunken toddler sticking coins up his nose

Darrell returns to the trailer and peels a layer off his complex persona.   He goes on to Carol about the hardships of the native Americans as they were forced off their lands, and the grief they felt for their fallen.   He admits to his brother not worthy of supernatural protections, but he hopes that Sophia is.   This goes to show you that Darrell is a warrior poet, truly capable of slaying the undead, and then repopulating the world, while reeducating it.

One significant even did happen in this episode.   Batman has his cowl, superman his cape, now Carl has his hat.   If you though he was creepy before, just wait until he’s running around with that thing on.

Finally we come to Lori taking her pregnancy test.   Of course it was positive.   A day ago she was spouting off about how she wished her son was dead so he wouldn’t be afraid anymore.   Well guess what, you got another one on the way.   A kid that won’t even know what the world was like before the collapse.   Eat from the irony cake and enjoy.

This week’s episode sucked something fierce.   This is the double edged sword you face when you have a show that is a continuing storyline with absolutely no major side plots.   With LOST you had a diverse set of characters with different goals.   With Justified, you can toss in a “monster of the week.”   With Dexter, you usually have two or three ongoing plots so you can break things up.   In Walking Dead you have the humans and the zombies.   The humans want to live; the zombies want to eat them.   It’s pretty simple, and can make for boring episodes.