Fear Fest: Chupacabra!
OCTOBER 6th, Chupacabra
“So you see, by applying the basic principles of the scientific method to the matter, we learn very quickly that the myth of the chupacabra is just that – utter crap. Now, if you apply the same principles to Catholicism, an interesting thing occurs…”
-Dr. Venture (Venture Brothers)
Welcome back Omegaites for another dose of fear. Real can be a subjective term. Acclaimed author Philip K. Dick spent most of his career dealing with the difference of reality versus perceived reality. In one great interview, he states that “Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away.” So today we’ll take a closer look at something that rides the line between fact and fantasy.
Cryptozoology is an interesting field. I don’t know what one has to do to become an expert in cryptozoology, but I think it involves peyote and Joe Rogan. But let’s move past that and get down to brass tax. When it comes to cryptozoology, the chupacabra is the new kid on the block.
First reported in March of 1995, the chupacabra became a sensation in Puerto Rico. Livestock around the island were found dead, with puncture marks around their chest, and drained of blood. Since then, reports have come in from South America, all the way to Maine, and even one report in Russia.
The most common theory is that the myth of the chupacabra is actually coyotes with a parasite, specifically, mange. Mange is a skin disease that is caused by parasitic mites. They imbed themselves in the hair follicles or the skin.
Figure 1
Figure 2
In the pictures above, figure 1 depicts what a chupacabra may look like. Figure 2 is the body of a coyote infected with mange. Ok, I’ll say it, figure 1 is the equivalent of the Unabomber sketch, while figure 2 legitimately looks like a rodent vampire.
THE ANSWER: You know what, I’m calling it. I don’t usually do this. I like to keep an open mind, but this shit is ridiculous. There is no chupacabra. However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t fear diseased coyotes or mad bombers.