CAGE MATCH: The Week in Nic Cage

Can you hear those crickets chirping, mon ami? That’s how slow of a news work it was in the world of Cage. He didn’t buy anything or yell at anyone on the street! WTF!?

To make clicking “Read the rest of the entry” worth your while, I had to do something I’ve been avoiding since Cage Match began: write about The Croods. Never heard of it? That’s cool, I wish I never did. Well, let’s (begrudgingly) do this.

Drive Angry 3D Red Band Trailer; Oh Hell Yes

My goal in life used to be “beat Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out.” Now it’s “stay alive long enough to see Drive Angry.” The tongue-in-cheek red band trailer was released earlier this week and it features so, so many awesome clips. From Amber Heard punching a topless girl in the face to severed limbs to Cage sneering at everything (IN 3D), this is why red band trailers exist, folks. This is gearing up to be the exploitation flick of the year and I’m moderately excited *flips over coffee table, punches out all the windows in the house*

Something Like An Interview With William Fichtner

British site Obsessed With Film summarized a recent Q&A with Drive Angry co-star and character actor extraordinaire William Fichtner. In the film Fichtner plays one of the Devil’s agent come up from Hell to reclaim Cage. Fichtner always looks like he’s disappointed in you, so that’s perfect casting. Highlights:

He also found a huge appeal in the fact that there is very little point of reference for a guy who works in Hell; you can’t just shadow somebody for a day or ask someone about it, so he had to carve out his own niche. As a result he thinks he was probably working on a different rhythm somewhat to Nicolas Cage and Amber Heard, who were more archetypes as it were.

He then told a brief anecdote of when him and Nicolas Cage were on the film’s set sitting in one of the lovely cars, and Cage considered buying it, remarking that it cost $25,000 last week, it’s $35,000 now, and when the film wraps, if it’s a hit, it’ll be worth $100,000. An audience member asked whether he considered trying to outbid Cage, and Bill remarked that he thinks Cage’s considerable wealth would make that a foolish move. He added that soon after this, one of the knobs on the car’s dashboard fell off, indicating it probably wasn’t a good idea to buy it.

“Cage’s considerable wealth,” ha! Good one, Fichtner.

Oh Yeah, Six Years Later, The Croods Exists

I hit up Nic Cage’s IMDB page for reference A LOT. Twice a week, minimum. For what seems like forever there’s been a pimple on the page – a movie whose name is so dumb that I must have glazed over it a million times before finally clicking on it. It’s called The Croods. It’s a play on “crude,” get it?

The Croods was announced back in 2005 (when I was a freshly crowned college graduate with the world by the nuts. Look at me now). And it won’t be released until 2012. Tough to maintain hype for six years, no? Here’s the lowdown:

Surviving in a volcanic world is tough enough, but caveman Grug (Cage) gets a rude awakening when an earthquake forces him to leave behind the only world he knows. With his family in tow, he ventures out into the volatile world in search of a new home. The situation becomes even more complicated when Grug’s family – in particular his eldest daughter – become smitten with a nomad (Ryan Reynolds) they encounter on their dangerous journey. This quirky, imaginative stranger’s search for ‘tomorrow’ is at odds with Grug’s reliance on the traditions of yesterday.

Watching Cage portray a caveman named Grug would be awesome…if this wasn’t animated and not directed by the people who unashamedly brought the world Space Chimps and Lilo and Stitch.