Dead Rising 2 DLC Is Going To Feature Dildos As Weapons. I Need This Game Now.

Things I’ve always wanted to do in my life: partake in a confused, drug-fueled gay orgy where we’re all wearing Ewok costumes. (Don’t tell my girlfriend.) Throw a game-winning touchdown pass. And finally, beat a zombie to death with a fucking dildo. Well, if I choose to buy Dead Rising 2, it’s forthcoming DLC is going to allow me to accomplish one of these dreams.


Per the ESRB on Dead Rising 2: Case West: “One game area-a lounge with neon ‘XXX’ and ‘Love’ signs on the walls-depicts a ‘massager’ item shaped like a sex toy; players can use the item to strike zombies and human characters.”

Yep. There is a wieldable sex toy. You can monster mash with an orifice smasher. This is pure gold. Did another me, from a different dimension where I had talent and skill, secretly design this game? I don’t own this game, nor did I like the original. I know, that’s nigh heretical in certain circles. But the idea of beating a zombie with an amazing phallic object (alright, all phallic objects are amazing) is enough to give me momentary pause. Damn, it’s tempting.