THIS WEEK ON LOST: Everybody Loves Hugo


Everybody may love Hugo, but sweet fucking Christ did I hate 75% of this episode. What happened in this episode? Set-up. More set-up. Has anything happened in this season yet? Sure, like, some stuff. But we’re a ridiculous amount of episodes in, and everything is tied around the same dull shit. Really awkward conversations about love and destiny, sitting on tree stumps while trying to figure out what to do, the Devil trying to trick people, and my sitting on my futon trying so hard to love a show that’s really letting me down half the time.

And then there’s these little moments of awesomeness sprinkled throughout the episode that keep me interested. Just enough. It’s like season one all over again. I still have faith that the ending of the show is going to rock my socks off. I promise. But at this point, the terrible fucking turbulence I’m enduring to get there is fatiguing me.

I’m tired of all this speculation, of even dissecting everything, when every episode just comes at us with more set-up. More set-up. Over and again.

Let’s do something different this week, to make recapping what I found to be an abysmal episode more bearable. Bullet points!


Yeah, just smash down the bag of dynamite. Idiot! Savage!
So, if Jacob has a plan for everyone, he planned for Ilana to gather up all the Candidates, and then kill herself by accident? Dude is sort of a dick. I like his swagger. Either that, or Ilana is one of thirty-nine thousand characters the writers have introduced under a certain amount of gravitas and then been like “Uh, never mind.”

The Devil’s Advocate in me tells me she served her purpose, and that her death will ultimately result in them having to govern themselves. Which Jacob probably sort of knew, which makes him a dickbag like I said. With immaculate swagga.


Desmond Drives The Fuck over John Locke!
Alright, this part is awesome, I’ll give the writers that. And yeah, I can’t help but speculate why he would crush Mr. Bentham with his sweet ride. My first thought was the idle hope that running over Locke in LAX would push the departed Locke back into his body on the Island. Then I quickly dismissed this.

There’s also the obvious notion that running Locke over will reunite him with Jack, and they’ll form some sort of tag-team and begin uh…crushing heads…no…no, uh…You know what, I don’t really know what Desmond’s end-game is on LAX. He obviously wants to make everyone aware of their existence outside of The Matrix, but what then? This show isn’t beyond something ludicrous(ly awesome) as some sort of Collective Conscious willing them out of the day-dream.


The Power of Love!
Oh sweet Jesus. The power of love is bringing back memories of the Island. Are you barfing, or do you dig it? My brother Pepsibones really likes it, but he’s also been sick with the Flu, sweating through his clothes every evening. I’m happy he digs it, since he’s a secret romantic, and I feared he had become fully ensconced in his Jaded Shell.

Me? I dig the concept, but probably not the execution. Half of my problem with a lot of this season has been how the writers have handled their themes. Everything seems so heavy handed, and they’ve relied on disgusting, nauseating expository dialogue to get there.

Furthermore, what do you make of it it being dead people from the Island who have had these premonitions of the Island first? Charlie, Libby, and Faraday all seem to have a tighter connection the Island, via love, and they’re all fucking rigor mortis?


Dude Jack, Make Up Your Mind
“I can’t, I can’t ever fix it.” Barf, barf, barf, barf, barf, barf, vomit, barf, eat my barf, vomit. I understand the sentiment, since it shows that Jack has learned some lessons in his time on the Island. But when is this dude going to finally take up the reigns as his leader of the candidates? Just wondering.


Neal Schweiber
Any reference to Freaks and Geeks is fucking awesome, not matter how oblique.


No Really, Watch Out For That Well
Seriously, who didn’t see Desmond getting thrown down that well? It seemed pretty obvious to me.

I enjoy Desmond’s new outlook on fear and existence. It’s nice to see MiB’s ability to guile people into servitude finally fail on someone. He looked pretty pissed when he couldn’t cajole Desmond into fear, and thereby manipulate him.

Why isn’t Desmond afraid? It makes sense that he is perhaps acutely aware of his role in LAX, and spends a lot of his time in LAX, like, running over people and serving a higher purpose. As well, maybe I’m stretching, but the whole “throwing him into a well” thing reminds me a lot of Haruki Kurakami’s The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, in which the main character submerges himself into the bottom of a well. And then? Yeah, then he spends time projecting himself onto a different metaphysical plane.

Probably not a coincidence. You fucked up, Smokey. You may have just given Desmond the space he needs and the electromagnetic push he required to flashsideways and carry out his plot.

Desmond’s Metaphysical Capabilities: 1, The Devil: 0


L’enfer, c’est les autres.
Since we’re getting literary, the whole situation on the Island between Richard and the Gang of Refugees reminds me a lot of Sartre’s No Exit. All they do is sit around and bicker and be miserable, inflicting a pain in the ass on each other. That’s one of my gripes with all the stalling going on this season.

Nothing is happening. Nothing.

Richard is supposed to know what’s up. He doesn’t. Jack is supposed to know what’s up. He doesn’t. Now they’re all being led by the show’s comedic relief. Can someone just fucking figure out what to do? And oh great, now they’re splintering off again.

It’s an interesting and plausible treatise on human nature, no doubt. I mean, I can’t picture a bunch of people being anything by fractious. But I mean, c’mon, let’s get some shit done.


Epic Staredown.
How can you not dig the staredown between Jack and Smokey? For the better part of the series, Jack and Locke have been diametrically opposed. Looking into MiB’s eyes, Jack must understand how much he totally bungled shit by not listening to Johnny. I mean, Jack is now a Man of Faith, intent on following out some preordained mission. Sound familiar?

By the way, Hugo, way to round up all the candidates and put them directly into Smokey’s hands. And I have to say, zomg, I was totally right. Smokey needs all of them to leave the Island. Unless he’s just spewing bullshit, and he just wants to kill them. I’m going to just pat myself on the back though, until I’m proven wrong.

It should be a short-lived feeling of success.


In Conclusion.
If you dug the episode, I’m stoked for you. I wish enjoyment on everyone. It wasn’t without its enjoyable moments. There was the staredown, Desmond running over a cripple, some amusing bits with Hugo on LAX. But otherwise, it just felt like more filler. The amount of creampuff bullshit in the episode that separates the essential, plot-advancing stuff is insane.

Let’s tighten up the narrative and still stalling for the epic finale, which I still, still, still think is going to be rewarding.