Monday Morning Commute: Fear and Loathing in Final Fantasy
[pic : source]
Spring is coming! As I type this laying on the snow-covered mud-filled backyard of mine, entirely in the nude, I can feel it coming. And it fucking better! Because I fell down my ice-covered god damn stairs on Saturday night. Right in front of my fucking girlfriend. And I could almost hear her thoughts, “I am seriously considering combining genetic material with this lumbering asshole?” So fuck the snow! Despite feeling my lower extremities freezing as I type this on my iPhone in said snow bank, I can almost hear the birds. And flying saucers. I think I may be experiencing brain death. Shit.
Monday Morning Commute. Every Monday I’m going to detail the various things I’m either currently or will be watching, reading, playing, and listening to in the next seven days. It’s Monday. You’ve got a long week of school, work, or compulsive masturbation to get through. Tell me the arts that you’re indulging in, to stave off suicide.
Reading / Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
I know what you’re thinking. How did a depraved asshole such as myself put off reading this book for so long? Simple answer: I’m an asshole. But what a fucking book. For starters, it’s nice to be reading something that resembles my thought process. Full of vulgarity, fluid prose, and uh, vulgarity and hallucinations. I’ve been mired in 17th Century British literature for so fucking long with its “chuses” and its “shewed” and other inane bullshit that I’m beyond stoked to be ingesting this madness.
The whole thing reads like a manifesto from Pepsibones thirteen years in the future when he finally comes unhinged. No, seriously. If you want to see what my brother is going to grow up to be when he finally unravels, check this book out. My girlfriend gave me this book to give to him, and I’m actually scared to give it to him. I can only see him running around the house huffing ether and screaming to burn it down while he makes Nana bang on some pot with a spatula to some tribal beat.
Everyone knows Funny or Die as “that website with the little girl who is the landlord”, but it’s a pretty deec site. Yeah, I typed deec. And now they have a show on HBO, which is basically just a smorgsborg of skits. It’s pretty hit or miss, but it’s all sorts of odd, and I dig it. You don’t dig it? That’s okay. I just used my mind to give you diarrhea.
Merry Christmas!
Watching / Funny or Die Presents
Playing / Final Fantasy XIII
Next week, fucking Final Fantasy XIII drops! OMFG. Next week, LIGHTNING STRIKES. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. Do you get it? The main character is named LIGHTNING. NEXT WEEK, LIGHTNING STRIKES! LOLOMFGROLCOPTERLOLOLMAO.
I’m excited. I’ve been sweating this thing for like four years. Four years! Do you understand how long four years is? I don’t, but I know it’s a long time. When this game is announced, I was four years younger! Think about that! I was trying to play it cool and not be excited about it, because I began to fear amid the endless tunnel criticisms that the game wasn’t going to be good. But I can’t, I can’t be unexcited. If this game doesn’t rock my world, I’m going to be banging on the pots with Nana while Pepsibones burns it down.