Sammy Sosa Looks Like A God Damn Nightmare; Probably a Black Lantern


My boy, the fucking Bonesaw, pointed this out to me. Apparently Sammy Sosa is the latest celebrity to be wooed into the darkness that is the Black Lantern corps. Now along with Chris Brown, he will accept commands from the lord of Darkness, Michael Jackson. They will go around cranking home runs, eating their girlfriends, and having little boys manipulate their nipples. Eerily, this sounds like a Saturday night out with my friends.

Seriously though, Sammy Sosa looks like a fucking mess.

I think even creepier than his skin are the contact lenses and lipstick.

Via Big League Stew:

Retirement, or something, appears to be changing Sammy Sosa(notes). He and wife, Sonia, were recently in Las Vegas for the Latin Grammys, which included a tribute on Wednesday to singer Juan Gabriel. Photogs caught the Sosas on the red carpet and Sonia looks fabulous as always. As for Sammy … well, there’s no getting around it, but Sammy looked kind of pale.His skin is undeniably lighter than at any time since he broke into the majors in 1989. Is it an illness, or a condition such as Vitiligo, in which depigmentation occurs? Is Sammy just bleaching his skin for fashion’s sake? (Heh, “just.”)I wonder if he is changing his look, simply because his eyes are a different color. Sammy was born with brown eyes. He’s taken to wearing green contact lenses and, quite frankly, they are extremely creepy. Is he co-starring in the upcoming “Twilight” sequel?

Let’s check out Sammy last year.


Oh hey, he looks human! And now a year later, just as the Black Lanterns are killing douchebags and resurrecting them to fight in the quest to annihilate life and mack on gorgeous pop stars, he looks like a pale-skinned nightmare. Coincidence? I don’t fucking think so.