Transcender knew he was in for a world of shit.

He’d woken up from his Post-Lunar nap a bit early. Which wasn’t unusual. But rather than waiting for Larissa – the lab assistant with the big smile and bigger bust – to help him out of his pod, he crawled out on his own. Everyone on the Station knew that rule number one is that Transcender was never to be left to his own devices.

Especially after a nap.

Running a hand through his beard, Transcender gazed out the bay window and laughed to himself. “Sweet Man-Jesus, where’ve they sent me now? Is that Saturn? Oh, if Rodrigo could see this, he’d prolapse for sure!”

Had he studied the mission plans as thoroughly as he told Doc he would, Transcender would’ve known that they were far, far past Saturn.

Transcender Yonder’s attention was fully directed out the window, on the satellites and comets he’d soon be smashing to pieces, when a breeze of bitter wonder wafted into his nose. He immediately spun around, balancing best he could while his muscles readjusted to the artificial gravity, and began searching for the source of the smell. Other than his pod, all that was in the room was sterility – medical instruments, monitors, a vacuum.

And, much to Transcender’s delight, a coffee pot.

Fast as he could, the Meta-Man approached the coffee pot, threw back its lid, and poured the contents into unhinged gullet. Having never tasted coffee before, Transcender basked in the wonder of simply experiencing something new. Coffee! Aha! So this is what they drink when they wake up! A fine concoction! Chemically stimulating and socially facilitating!

But then Transcender’s hyper-sensitive neurons kicked into gear.

Larissa walked into the room just in time to see the six-foot-six ubermensch fall to his knees. He clutched at his left eye and screamed, “I have the pressure of a dying star within my skull! Sweet-mammaried  Larissa, save me! I beg of you!”

Without hesitation, Larissa picked up the phone on the wall and dialed zero. “Doc? Yeah, it’s me. Looks like he got into the coffee. Yeah, Transcender’s having his first headache.”

Already knowing the answer, Transcender Yonder looked up and asked sheepishly, “Am I in trouble?”

—-

This is the Monday Morning Commute. I’m going to run through the things I’ll be doing to entertain myself during the week. Then, you hit up the comments section and do the same. Hell, ain’t this the whole damn point of the Internet?

Let’s rock.

—-

Blastin’/Telos (BTBAM)

Holy smokes! Between the Buried and Me have released Telos, the first single from their new album The Parallax II: Future Sequence (due out in October) and I can’t stop listening to it. These guys have been blowing my socks off since I found out about them in 2007, and it doesn’t look like they’re going to stop any time soon. In just under ten minutes, Telos gives the listener a taste of everything found on the BTBAM buffet – beautiful melodies, virtuostic mind-meltings, atmospheric ruminations, and (of course) the brutal sounds of mechanized disaster.

Also worth gettin’ amped up about is the fact that this album is the second part of a science fictional concept that began with their last release. From the pre-order website:

“The two main characters of the story take on a journey through space and time with the unenviable task of having to cure the flaws of humanity by any means necessary. While the EP served mostly as an introduction to the characters, Future Sequence contains the action of the story. The lyrics are written in the stream of consciousness style, which really helps to capture the perspective and emotion of the characters. We really enjoyed the challenge of writing this record, and I think we were all pleasantly surprised with how well the music and lyrics jived with one another. I couldn’t be happier with how Future Sequence turned out,” comments guitarist Paul Waggoner.

Goddamn.

—-

Watching Too Much/Mac and Me

Before our most recent WEEKEND Open Bar, I’d never even heard of Mac and Me. But when Patrick Cooper hopped into the Open Bar and proclaimed his admiration for the title character, well I knew I’d have to give it a viewing.

I can say, without exaggeration, that Mac and Me is one of the best terrible movies I’ve ever watched, the very type of movie that makes Netflix-streaming a wonderful service. Mac is essentially a rip-off of ET, and he needs some help being reunited with his family. But unlike Spielberg’s extraterrestrial, there’s really no reason to like Mac. He’s not an asshole or anything, but he’s had to sympathize with.

Oh wait, there’s the fact that he’s constantly drinking Coca-Cola. And he does dress up in a bear costume when they go to McDonald’s for a birthday party-cum-dance sequence. And he whistles pretty dang good!

If you haven’t watched it yet, do yourself a favor and check out Mac and Me. You’re going to walk away with some laughs and an insatiable desire for Skittles.

—-

Lovin’/SUMMERSONG (Paul Pope)

Not much here — just lovin’ the image/haiku Paul Pope created after being inspired by Once Upon a Time in the West.

—-

So that’s what I’m up to — metal, crappy movies, and Pulphope.

What’re you up to?