[OCTOBERFEAST is the greatest celebration of the year, a revelry dedicated to pop-culture’s most nutritious Halloween detritus. Plastic screams and artificial sweeteners have never been more bountiful. In the old country, villagers refer to the extended party as Satan’s Snacktime]
There exist villains so ingrained in the rotwood known as the collective conscious that they’ll always have an open invitation to the OCTOBERFEAST. The tales of these harbingers of doom and gloom are passed from each generation to the next, racking up decades’ worth of childhood pee-pee stains and midlife heart attacks. These malefactors are the perennial horrors that are relied upon to keep every new human-litter honest-via-horror.
While there’re plenty of vitamin-enriched villains to choose from, there’s no denyin’ the power of the Wicked Witch of the West.
Anyone who’s ever seen the 1939 classic The Wizard of Oz – and that’s pretty much everybody in civilization – knows of the goddamn force that is the Wicked Witch. As Dorothy from Kansas does her best to navigate through the strange world of Oz, assembling a ka-tet along the way and disseminating her unique brand of undiluted benefaction, the Wicked Witch comes along at every opportunity to fuck shit up. When Dorothy first arrives in the Munchkin Kingdom, the Wicked Witch appears in a cloud of smoke and issue death threats. When Dorothy befriends the Scarecrow, the Wicked Witch tries to light him on fire. Hell, when Dorothy refuses to fork over her shoes, the response is a dispatching of flying monkeys for the purposes of kidnapping.
That’s some straight-up thug shit.
Over the last few years, there’ve been some attempts to clear the name of the Wicked Witch. According to these revisionists, the Wicked Witch is actually a sympathetic character, as she is nothing more than the product of Glinda’s constant abuse. While such a case may help explain the actions of Oz’s antagonist, it must never excuse them.
Make no mistake about it – the Wicked Witch of the West is evil. When you hear her music blaring, can you feel anything other than a twist in your stomach-cords? When you see her green face, can you help but recoil? When Dorothy finally murders the witch, do you feel anything other than vicarious victory?
In short – no.
And that’s why we love her.