‘Total Recall’ Remake Will Feature Three-Breasted Woman. Childhood, Rejoice!

I shouldn’t have seen Total Recall when I did. Way too young. Warped my brain. One thing I’ll never ever forget, and I don’t think I’m alone in this, is the chick with three tits. Listen, I couldn’t barely contain myself seeing tits  at my age. I must have been under 10. But three tits? Holy Jesus. Say what you want about the Total Recall remake, at least its doing this right.


[Len] Wiseman promised the return of everyone’s favorite mutant prostitute – or at least some new take on her – in an interview with Collider at Comic-Con. And what’s more, there’ll actually be more than one version of her appearance: one for the PG-13 theatrical release, and one for the unrated DVD release.

Asked whether he had purposely shot different versions of certain scenes for ratings purposes, Wiseman responded:

I just shoot as I shoot. It’s not so much of “Now I’m going to do the rated-R cut”… [But] there’s specific things. There’s different versions of the three-breasted woman… [The new film] is its own take on [the story], but… you can’t make Total Recall without certain things.

Wiseman further explained the process behind picking and choosing which allusions to make to the first movie:

After I read the script I wrote a list out of the things that I remembered from when I was 15 of Total Recall before I went and rewatched Total Recall again, just to see what actually stuck with me. And those were things I want to pay homage to.

Which really explains what the overendowed prostitute is doing in the new film. A triple-breasted woman is the kind of thing that would stick in anyone’s mind, really, but assuming everything I’ve ever learned about teenage boys from Hollywood sex comedies is true, it’d be forever seared into the memory to a horny 15-year-old.

I see you, Len Wiseman. I see you.