OCTOBERFEAST – Halloween Havoc

[OCTOBERFEAST is the greatest celebration of the year, a revelry dedicated to pop-culture’s most nutritious Halloween detritus. Plastic screams and artificial sweeteners have never been more bountiful. In the old country, villagers refer to the extended party as Satan’s Snacktime]

I’m going to tell you a scary story.

When I was a little kid, there was a professional wrestling company called the WWF. Don’t look for them – they don’t exist anymore. This company had absolutely perfected the slop-culture art of pro-wrestling, creating a product that was as enthralling as even the finest piece of art. The good guys were the best. The bad guys were pure evil. And even the maniacs captivated. If you were an apostle of the WWF, it was a beautiful time to be alive.

But lurking about the dark underbelly of staged athletics was a different creature altogether. Relegated to filthy corners of sports entertainment, this abomination took umbrage at its second-class status. This being didn’t smile and shake hands. It didn’t kiss babies on the forehead and say “God bless.” And it sure as hell set any precedents.

This ghoul was called the WCW. And it was the malevolent doppleganger of the WWF.

The WWF could proudly boast that it had created the most well-known and highly-respected events in all of professional wrestling. Summerslam offered a reprieve from the August heat. Survivor Series showcased athletic partnerships previously thought impossible. The Royal Rumble demonstrated the brutality possible when thirty combatants engaged one another simultaneously. Wrestlemania – also known as the Granddaddy of them All – is credited as pioneering pay-per-view wrestling events.

WCW, as the malformed twin hidden in the attic, did its best to compete.

Needless to say, its best was not good enough.

Of all the pay-per-views put out by WCW, the most ridiculous was most certainly Halloween Havoc. The event was essentially a cross-pollination of professional wrestling and Halloween – sweaty dudes on steroids would pretend to beat the shit out of each other on sets that look like they were designed by the same drunk father that put together that haunted house that got shut down by the cops last year.

Anyone that can’t understand that this is a marriage made in white trash heaven need only check out this Elvira-approved commercial:

In addition to taking place around All Hallow’s Eve and making use of horror-themed promotions, Halloween Havoc also injected macabre mayhem into the matches themselves. Well, attempts were made to spookify the audience into spitting out their refreshing beverages, but they usually ended in amusement, if not slight befuddlement.

For instance, consider the 1991 edition of Halloween Havoc. At this event, a wrestler performed under the name of the WCW Halloween Phantom (Oooh!). The mysterious figure made his way to the ring in an outfit that could also have been used for a local production of Phantom of the Opera, an S&M training session, or a Nacho Libre sequel. Check out the video to discover which classic heel worked under this forgettable persona.

While the Halloween Phantom is a real knee-slapper, the finest hour in Halloween Havoc history has to be the debut of the Yeti. Long story short, the Yeti had was first introduced to viewers of the 1995 special as a monster frozen in a giant block of ice. Of course, that shit melted and the beast was unleashed! Revealed to be a giant mummy, the Yeti ran down to the ring to dry hump his opponents.

Wait…what? Well, the video doesn’t lie:

Perhaps it’s for the best that Halloween Havoc was discontinued after 2000; perhaps this new millennium is ushering in an age of enlightenment in which America doesn’t cheer for such dangerous experiments.

Or perhaps it has more to do with the collapse of WCW.

In any case, there will always be room at the OCTOBERFEAST for testosterone-induced psychosis, leotards, and giant mummies.