It’s Really Come to This: Christian Found Footage Horror

Since its accidental birth in 1999 with The Blair Witch Project, found footage horror has been dragged through the muck and mire – reduced to the realm of horror hacks grasping for the quick cash. Luckily for these unimaginative filmmakers, a large percentage of the weekend movie going audience is a bunch of knuckle-dragging suckers, so going the found footage route commonly leads to riches at the box-office. And now, in this corner, the Christian entry into the found footage landfill: Harmless.

Dig: A couple starts videotaping everything because it probably says to do so somewhere in the Bible. Things are going swell in their Bed Bath & Beyond universe until the wife finds the husband’s porno stash. The revelation that her husband is a human male with human desires unleashes a demon, an ice hobo, and a cemetery hooker. The message here is that porno is a sin and Christian wives are super uncool. The husband is a doofus though. Who has a “box of porno” anymore? What is this, the 1860s? Has this guy never heard of the internet? Welcome to the Matrix, St. Husband.

Christians have a version for everything secular people enjoy, so it was only a matter of time before one of them took a shot at found footage. I had a group of Christian friends in high school who listened to a Christian Rage Against the Machine rip-off. And don’t get me started on Christian ska.

Harmless will be out sometime this summer. I double dog dare you.