Omega Sinema #1: The Secret of Magic Island

Sometimes I watch movies without Nic Cage in them. They’re usually really bad. I refuse to suffer alone. Welcome to Omega Sinema.

The Secret of Magic Island is a 1956 kiddie matinee movie from France with a cast made up entirely of animals. And it’s awesome. I don’t need a plot in order to enjoy watching a dog tend bar and a fox wash a rooster, but there is one. A “villainous space-age” monkey steals a good fairy’s magic wand that bestows on him power over the elements. Two brave ducklings travel via hot-air balloon to the monkey’s island to end his reign of elemental terror. I think. See, there is no known English-language print of the movie. The bootleg I watched was in Swedish. It honestly could have been in German (I hate German) and I still would have watched it. It’s the most adorable one hour of anything ever. It’s cutesploitation!

The first 10 minutes consists of a duck driving around a village and delivering mail. The first thing he does? Get drunk at Cafe Billiards! The proprietor of the cafe is the boxer puppy in the above picture. He’s just lamping behind the bar, reading the newspaper, and drinking lager with a duck. This movie rules already! The duck finishes then drives past a house filled with bunnies, then an inventor dog, and then a sawmill run by a pig. It is a fucking paradise.

Then he drops by the home of a kitten playing a church organ…I could just keep going on like this – listing the incredible marvels that await you on Magic Island. But instead I’m going to suggest you hunt down a torrent for yourself. You won’t regret it. Next time you fight with your girlfriend, just put on Magic Island. Next time the results come back positive, put on Magic Island.

It’s a balm for your heart.