Mass Effect 2: Shepard, You A Bad Bitch!

One of the things I dug the fuck out of in Knights of the Old Republic was the fact that the more of a motherfucker you were, the more it showed on your physical appearance. It made sense, since back then it was thought that the Dark Side rotted you the fuck out and made you look like a god damn leper. Mind you, this was before George Lucas was all like:

Oh hey guise, guess wut! You know how you thought that the Dark Side was responsible for Palpatine’s look? Psych! It’s actually lame ass lightning reflection caused by Jules from Pulp Fiction! I fucking shit on your established canon! Muwahahaha, and also, guess what! Boba Fett is an annoying little shit, and also a clone. I’m high on meth! I’m a mole-looking douchebag!

Anyways.

So, I was pretty stoked that Bioware brought back the whole “the more of a douchebag you are, the worse you look” thing for Mass Effect 2. The rationale is all, well, you see, Shepard was dead, and they didn’t have time to finish resurrecting her. (Or him.) So uh, the worse you are, the more your fissures crack and your bionics show.

Huh?

Wut?

It doesn’t matter.

On my second playthrough, I pledged to be the biggest piece of shit bad ass the galaxy had ever seen. No man, I ain’t healing you with my medigel! That shit is precious! Yes, assassin I caught in a warehouse, I am stomach-punching you out a fucking window! I’m Shepard! I seen some shit!

And it’s pretty cool. I mean, look at me. I’m a fucking demon. No wonder that’s why no one will sleep with me. Even though I’m like, hey, I saved the galaxy, I saved your ass, now let me tap it. Who doesn’t like seeing physical representations of their behavior? It’s neat, and been echoed in a ton of games like Fable and the such.

So I’m glad that they brought it back, so I can look like the possessed demon rapist that I am in this playthrough. Beware the red eyes of Shepard, if she’s looking at your butt, gender or species be damned, she’s snagging it!