Friday Brew Review – Cappuccino Stout
I did it! I finally found a fucking coffee-based beer! After grumbling for weeks, my friendly neighborhood poison-merchant totally fulfilled my wishes! Since I have wanted a coffee-brew for some time but have never taken the initiative to actually search for one, I’m going to take this latest acquisition that God exists and he wants me to be happy. Or, I suppose, that there’s no God at all and I’ve just managed to benefit from the indifferent bastard that is random chance. Either way, I’m drinkin’.
I walked into the store, took a lap, looked at the cooler with disdain, and then began to march out. For a matter of seconds, I was positively sure that I would have to go to *gasp* another store *gasp* for my brew of the week! But as I began my emigration, I could swear that I heard something…
“…over here. right here. yeah, away from the coolers full of labels that change color when cold and the supposed royalty of lagers…come to the shelf with specialty alcohol.”
I paused, second-guessing myself and beginning to finally understand what my friends mean when they say, “You’re fucking losing it.” But then I heard it again, only with a clarity and volume that had only been intimated before.
“RIGHT HERE! LOOK UP, YOU NUMBSKULL!”
As I shifted my line of sight, I finally saw the hyperactive bottle of depressant that had been beckoning. To my absolute delight, I was gazing at a fat-ass bottle of Cappuccino Stout. “Come here, you little bugger,” I cried joyously. I resisted the urge to shoplift, trading the merchant some baseball cards with slave-owners on `em for the bottle and rushing home.
While my first instinct was to crack the bottle open and begin guzzling the week away, my sensibilities prevailed. I decided to approach the Lagunitas Brewing Company’s limited release as a nightcap, waiting until later in the evening to enjoy. Therefore, I passed the time by going out to eat with Mrs. Krueger. While I enjoyed myself, I knew that there was a mission at hand; the beer I drank with my steak and the coffee I drank with dessert were merely teases of the greater objective. And so I headed home again, this time fully prepared to experience a combination of my two favorite beverages.
The cap was popped off and the luscious black drunk-juice was directed into a standard beer-glass. As I tipped the bottle sideways, I noticed a manifesto of some sort adorning the label. As it is printed on the front of Cappuccino Stout;
Coffee is my shepherd; I shall not doze. It maketh me to wake in green pastures, It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses, It restoreth my brain, It leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for [its] name’s sake. Yeah, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of sleep, I will fear no artificial sweetener for thou art with me; Thy cream and thy sugar they comfort me. Thou preparest a carafe before me in the presence of my zzz’s, Though anointest my day with sunlight; My cup runneth over. Surely richness and flavor shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwll in the house of Cappuccino forever… Let us sip… Or whatever…
Holy shit. As a caffeine addict, just having a copy of the aforementioned mantra justifies the four bucks spent. I guess it’s just nice to know that I’m not the only motherfucker using coffee to feel groovy. Wondering if Lagunitas had anything else to say about their December-ale, I hit up their website; much more succinct than on the label, the brewery comments on Cappuccino Stout:
Big, Dark and Scary Imperial-esque Stout Brewed With Plenty of Dark Malts and Roast Barley And Loads of Sebastopol’s Hardcore Coffee for Even Bigger Roasty Flavors and that Extra Krunk.
ABV: 9.2%
Ok, drinking time. Cappuccino Stout is a robust brew, with a number of different flavors attacking the tongue at once. The darkness and bitter notes are certainly present, but their edges are slightly evened out by a semblance of roasted nuts. Well-roasted, potentially burnt nuts, but a hint of sweetness does break through. The black, light-stealing hue of the beer is representative of its flavor; this is a dark, flavorful liquid that lets your stomach know that it’s setting up shop for awhile. In short, Lagunitas have crafted a beverage I wouldn’t mind drinking regularly (like, even before noon on weekdays).
However, this isn’t what I was hoping for. I guess I had built up the idea of a beer/coffee combination to be something that would taste like coffee but make me feel invincible like beer. I don’t blame Lagunitas — the brewery can proudly brag about this wonderful beverage. I’m sure that if the JLA were sitting down to cold ones after saving the world, Barry Allen would sip on a Cappuccino Stout as its elevated ABV and caffeine content may help inebriate his hyper-metabolic system. Or something.
Ok, Cappuccino Stout doesn’t taste like cappuccino. Or coffee. Or espresso. Well, maybe it kinda does. But I should probably just pour Kahlua or Bailey’s into my morning-cup Still, for a beer made with coffee, it’s good shit.
B+