I Pre-Ordered Final Fantasy XIII: It’s Really Fucking Real!

I pre-ordered Final Fantasy XIII today. I was in Gamestop just kicking around, and I was like, fuck it. Let’s slap some cheddar on this sexy piece of shit. And I could! I really could! I was sort of thinking the entire “LOL, Final Fantasy XIII is out” was just some delusion I was suffering. I was concerned that my medicine had stopped working and I had been transported to a land of lollipops and happiness. A land where Tiger Woods wasn’t a nerdy geek, but gather the penultimate tapper of ass, and Square actually released video games.

But it’s all real! They took my money and everything. And I have my pre-order receipt right where it’s safe, tucked hastily into my boxer briefs. I swear to anyone who tries and take my baby away from me, I will assail them with a ferocity typically reserved for the wild plains and cage fights. I will sleep with my receipt and I will happily hand it over, caked in love and goop and fluid to whoever is lucky enough to hand me my copy on March 9, 2010.

Shit’s real!