Press Start!: Obama Funds Socialist Groups With Skyrim Farming.
Oh, hello there friends. How is the Internet treating you today? Reblog that animated gif of the cat skulking quick on Tumblr and come back to me. I’ll wait. You here? Aiight, ballin’. This here is Press Start! It’s a gaming column turned Nonsense Collective where we chat about the week in gaming. Pour yourself a glass of your favorite drink – but Jesus Christ if you’re a friend of Bill W. don’t break your fucking sobriety this close to Christmas on my accord – and let’s chat the Light Polygonal. I list five things that caught my eye in gaming this week, and you retort with clearly superior choices. I’ll nod, praise you, and we’ll all leave happy.
Why Miles Davis? ‘Cause with swag that hard he goes where he wants.
A: Indie Game: The Movie Gets A Sundance Trailer
I didn’t mention this last week, but I’ve got a serious case of the gamer goosebumps for this movie. A documentary about a collective of dudes and dudettes (I hope) who aspire to do nothing more than unleash the wave of their creativity on the world courtesy of a video game. I love my widescreen flat plasma, don’t get me wrong. A lot. I’m guilty of the pop-culture-corpulence nonsense just as much as anyone. However as someone who churns inept word after inept word in blog posts in hopes of…something?, I have to bow at the tootsies of creators in the indie gaming community who have muscled through hardships to see their vision through to its fruition. You’ve probably already seen this trailer, but it’s all new to me.
Click it. Watch it again.
Fist Pump: Skyrim Dominates UK Charts
Skyrim dominated the “Christmas Chart” in the UK, and dammit I’m fucking floored. It takes something special to dethrone Mindless FPS: Covert Banality, and the Rimjobber came through for the lot of us. Listen, I know this a bit of Mothra defeated Godzilla. Both franchises are leviathanian in nature. I think what is special about Skyrim is the fucking cottage industry of personal stories and interesting interactions that proliferated throughout the internet after its release. Everyone had their own ridiculous tale to share, their own moment to tell the community. Not to mention the relentless memes, guides, iOS apps and more. Instead of “you’re a fagit gay ballz lover” (an accurate accusation) coming over my headphones, it was neat to spend a month just rocking out with other gamers in a world that thrived because of the fuckin’ experience itself.
Face Palm: Obama Buys Just Dance. C’mon Now!
In a society of spectacle, everything is irrelevant and anything matters. That is why it is essential we discuss the vaginal flaps and hanging dongs of drugs-smashed celebrities and the sort of clothing the First Lady of Italiaenchland wears. It’s all noise and clutter so let’s just dance in the blood! Speaking of dancing (segue ++, yo!), this week Obama snagged himself a copy of Just Dance 3 for his daughters. Whose names I sadly don’t know nor care to look up. Dude is rocking a Wii? For shame, bro. Why not snag American-made Dance Central for the US-driven Xbox 360? Wait, what’s that? You are laughing at the concept of nation-states? Pointing out that your own very presidency is a testament to the power of multinational corporations to control democratic nations?
Touche bro, touche.
Maniacal Laughter: Sony Sued Over No-Suing Clause
Sony dropped a new TOS on everyone’s asses this September. Within the labyrinthine nonsense, there was many things. A Minotaur. The real ending to LOST that Lindelof lost while patting himself on the back. (It’s fucking Limbo, hahahahaha! No it’s cool we explain it and…wait where’s my fucking script?) And a clause buried way, way deep that precluded people from suing Sony. That’s right! Step right up to the Service That Always Fails and enjoy its services. While they persist. However should your information be ninja’d you are prohibited from suing us! Why? ‘Cause you agreed to it, you turkey! Such chicanery isn’t sitting well with some enterprising souls and they’re suing Sony. For their inability to sue their asses when the network inevitably bursts into flames again next year.
Props to them sticking it to the Man. Preemptive consolations for when they invariably lose until the Gargantuan Weight of Sony’s legal division.
Fatigued Madness: Street Fighter Panty Shots
So about every time I get to the fifth item on my list of gaming happenings I’m tired. Like right now my caffeine high is plummeting and I’m in desperate need of some Mountain Dew to recall the Voices. It’s down stairs and that’s too far. As fatigue sets in, nothing was really striking me on my list of potential topics. Bored, I wandered over to YouTube, and said to myself: I wonder if anything will come up if I type in “Street Fighter Panty Shots”. I knew there would be something. Deep down inside. I found this video. Speaking of spectacle and nonsense, I think we have a winner. It ain’t the video above, neither. It’s this one: CHUN LI DIZZY MOANING AND SHOWING OFF BOOBS SO HOTT!!!! A four second video of Chun Li dazed, with jubblies jubbling.
I don’t know, yo. We’re evolving. As a community. Into something.
Anyways that’s enough of that. What caught your eyes this week? Furthermore, have a great holiday. May whatever Vaporous Deity Thing you subscribe to smile upon you with material objects and more importantly a good time with family and friends. Take care, stay out of the street, and if you’re Chun-Li you may want to button up.