After the first two weeks of Brew Reviews, I’ve learned my lesson. As much as I want to celebrate my favorite season with alcohol, it appears as though the pumpkin-beers may not be my bag. Filling my brain with fermented pumpkin seemed like such a great idea on paper, but then again, so did making a fourth Die Hard. And we all know how that turned out.
So when I made the weekly visit to my local beer-retailer, I decided to turn my back on the seasonal beverages. Yes, it hurt my soul to walk past Sam Adams Octoberfest but I was on a mission. To the cooler I went, determined to get an alcoholic beverage that would actually taste good.
With some searching, I discovered a four-pack of Gonzo Imperial Porter from the peeps at Flying Dog. I picked it up for inspection and was blown away by the fact that it touted a Hunter S. Thompson quote — “Good people drink good beer.” Holy shit. As a fan of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and the Thompson-inspired Spider Jerusalem, I was sold.
After wasting my time with some activities that disallow alcohol consumption (namely making lesson plans and driving around) I popped open a bottle and gave it a pour. I held up my glass to the light and tried to look through — while I’m not a scientist, I have confidence that what I was looking at resembled anti-matter. No light was seeping through that shit and it was at this point that I began to realize that I had made a great decision.
Finally putting the beer to my lips, I was more than pleased. This beer is fucking wonderful. It’s dark and heavy and flavorful and actually leaves me feeling satisfied. I have no doubt that coupling two of these beers with a bacon cheeseburger would create the perfect meal.
After two Gonzo Imperial Porters, I’m a little drunk and my mouth is filled with a flavor that sultans spend fortunes and virgins trying to attain. I grabbed the remaining two beers of the four-pack, kissed each of them on the bottle caps and told them “I love you.”
To make sure I’m not losing my mind (at least not at more of an accelerated rate than I’ve anticipated), I hit up the Flying Dog Brewery website. Yeah, these guys seem pretty rockin’. From what my slightly altered mind can discern, Hunter S. Thompson was friends with one of the brewery’s founder. Sick.
Of the actual drink, the website provided the following:
Like Hunter S. Thompson… Gonzo Imperial Porter is deep and complex. This turbo charged version of the Road Dog Porter is mysteriously dark with a rich and malty body, intense roasted flavors, and a surprisingly unique hop kick. With Gonzo weighing in at 7.8% ABV, it will bite you in the ass if you don’t show it the proper respect.
With a couple of the Flying Dog’s treats in my gut, I’m pretty sure that my piss will have a taste and alcohol content undistinguishable from that of Bud Light. Yes, Gonzo Imperial Porter is that fucking good. Between my low tolerance and the slightly elevated alcohol content in tonight’s taste-bud detergent I am in fucking heaven.
Gonzo Imperial Porter, you’ve earned this, you lovable motherfucker: A!!!