[face of a franchise presents two individuals that’ve fulfilled the same role. your task — choose the better of the two and defend your choice in the kal-if-fee that is the comments section]

It’s time for us to get emotional about science-fiction’s most beloved logician.

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Woah baby! In this first official clip from Star Trek Into Darkness we got ourselves some overwhelming latex dongs. Them suits aren’t leaving anything to the imagination More like Captain Perk(y dong head!) Oh all right, I’m done here. Check out the clip.

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Whatever that little ship Kirk and company are flying in this trailer, I’ll be goddamned if it doesn’t look like the Falcon. Rest easy now Abrams, you’ve gotten the franchise you wanted. No, seriously though. This trailer is amazing. There are like a million explosions. Space flight. Space suits. And by the end, my tits are painfully swole.

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Oh Jesus Christ, my nipples are hard. Touch them. Feel their rigidity. Actually, don’t. They’re prone to cut you. Just watch this trailer instead.

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Hey. This trailer was posted last night during Ray Lewis’ Sermon or whatever. It’s pretty neat. Let’s talk about it.

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