… Salami? Time! Its time. Hello fellow travelers on the Starship Omega. This is your temporary captain, The Dude, speaking. If you look out the left cabin window you’ll see Glorbax 3, a lovely world where pizza grows on trees like the mighty orange and team building exercises carry a triple death sentence. On the right side you’ll see the vast nothingness of space that forces you to realize your insignificance in the face of cosmic events, and wish desperately for a quiet and swift end to your meaningless consciousness.
Free at last, free at last! Japan’s Nikkei is reporting that Solid Snake’s Daddy has officially left Konami. But wait, there is more! The outlet is also reporting that Kojima is forming his own gaming studio, and is in talks with Sony Computer Entertainment.
Like OL magistrate and chief jester Caffeine Powered, 2013 was a bit of a banner year for me. Overwhelming change in my personal life — from a return to postgraduate education, to a complete re-invention of my career and life direction, to the advent of a serious, life-changing relationship — it’s been a year of serious upheaval for me, and one that I now realize deeply affected the entertainment I enjoyed.
I promise, I ain’t full of shit when I say this – what you do, and who you do it with has a huge effect on what you partake in and what you’re drawn to. My new career has me in Communications and Public Relations. It’s no coincidence then that my great fascination this year in the nerd sphere was the amazing PR landmarks and media fiascos that accompanied the console gaming space. E3 in particular was THE shitshow of 2013, a spectacularly-enjoyable ride for gamers everywhere, and one that meant so much more to me now that my mind was tuned to the Comm/PR-perspective on everything. The way a business conducts itself publicly, the way it announces its products, the way it does damage control – these things fascinate me. They rocked me. I loved every second, and this year more than any, was aware of my own consumer agency as I allowed myself to partake in the stories businesses were trying to weave and tell to their audiences.
Here’s what captured me this year:
Thought you could live a relatively quiet Saturday on the Interwebs, friends? Wrong-o, brolo. Especially if you’re Phil Fish. The aforementioned lad is the divisive creator of Fez, and he had a good round of the Going Ape Shit Status today on Twitter. Not much later after going atomic, it was announced that Fez II had been cancelled.
Hit the jump to behold the madness.
Props to our own Faux Bot for shoving this gem across my path. It becomes quickly evident that this video is a gag. However, that doesn’t stem the awesome and accurate representation of a good portion of people you’ll meet cruising the aisles at conventions. And furthermore? I genuinely love everyone who matches this portrayal. I don’t know.
The Next Xbox is being revealed on May 21. There are unconfirmed reports I’m going to dress up like Bill Gates and jack off into a blender filled with Xbox hardware. As I watch, it’ll hurl tech-shrapnel deep into my guts. I will orgasm.
Well, shit. I certainly didn’t see this coming. It ain’t Fallout 4, and for that I’m going to rope-a-dope by balls with a frozen sirloin steak. It is what must be done. It ain’t the end of the world, though. Shinji Mikami. Bethesda. I’ll take it.
Sony has unveiled their next-generation platform at today’s much anticipated Playstation meeting event. You can guess the name they went with.
In a two-hour event live-streamed through every major media outlet, the new console, its UI, its core features and its first games were shown off to the world for the first time. Let’s get to all the meat unveiled today.
This is one way for someone to deal with their slacker son. One concerned father in China saw his son (much like me) sitting around in their early college years playing video games instead of going to school (much like me). What to do in this situation? A parent could sit around waiting for their son to pass out due to caffeine addiction and gross caloric in-take. They could then drag that son to a sweat lodge in the Mountains and force them to expunge the demon spirits from their body. (Trust me, it doesn’t work.) Or they could hire online assassins to slap down the son in the game they’re addicted to. Invariably driving the son out of the game, and pushing them to go back go school.
Yeah, right. There is like, an infinite amount of video games out there. Though, it’s a great try.
As much as I like my bank account to bathe in its own minuscule juices, I like new gaming consoles even more. So I’m more than ready to embrace the Xbox-Kinect Excelsior-720-AR wunderkind. I have been ready for awhile. If this report is to be believed, I’ve got myself another year to wait. Whatever. What is another year. That’s like 400 days, or something. 3,000 masturbation sessions, or something. I can handle this.