#January2014

Vertigo announces ‘VERTIGO QUARTERLY: CMYK.’ ILL ANTHOLOGY GET.

Vertigo Quarterly.

OH WORD? Vertigo is putting out a fucking quarterly anthology? Stacked with goddamn talent? Like Jock? Fabio Moon? Others? Bro, you sign me up. In blood and seminal fluids. That’s how serious I am. Drain me and clone me, I simply don’t care.

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Buy These Flippin Comics!!! (11.06.2013) – Cold November Rain

Buy These Flippin' Comics.

Hey folks, Johnny here for another week of comics mirth, mayhem, and pull-list jibber-jabber!  As I write this, I’m looking out my window on a cold, wet, Midwestern fall day – miserable in all respects, but perfect for one thing: sitting inside, listening to music and readin’ comics!  For shut-ins like myself the Comixology app has been a godsend in that if the weather doesn’t abide, no matter, I can grab all this week’s goodies digitally.

Remember, you can check out all this week’s releases HERE.

As always, if I don’t mention a book that you think deserves more love, speak up!  Though my wallet doesn’t quite agree, I’m always eager to try new books, and the OL community wants YOUR input.  Yes you.  I’m pointing right at you.  This week brings kind of an eclectic group of titles, so let’s get down to business, shall we?

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BUY THESE FLIPPIN COMICS!!! (9/4/13) SPACE JAMZ & OTHER NONSENSE

Space Jamz.

So you might be wondering why the hell a nearly 20-year-old film about cartoons and basketball is headlining this column about weekly comic books.  You might then also wonder how the hell 20 years have gone by so fast.  And why hasn’t there been a sequel…ya know, with Lebron and Jason Sudeikis in the lead roles?  This would lead you to then ask yourself if you could write the script.  Concluding that it is either you or no one else, you then set out to do so.  You hit up tumblr for some reference material on Looney Tunes.  You quickly spiral down the rabbit hole of ALL OF THE BUTTS WONDERLAND, emerging days later, pants around ankles, achy, groggy.  Your unfinished (unstarted) script gives you the stinkeye with its ever-blinking cursor.  You realize where the 20 years have gone.

Hit the jump and let’s pass the time between tumblr sessions, talk funnybooks, bond as humans.

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Buy These Flippin Comics!!! (8/28/13) Drrrrrrty Pop!

Welcome!

Hey, kids!  So it’s Wednesday, and I assume we’ve all calmed down after flipping our collective shits from the pop-culture orgy/last-train-to-nowhere that is the VMAs.  I’m old, and pop music gets me all kinds of jaded, but the VMAs still managed to teach me a lesson:  America THRIVES on nostalgia, even nostalgia that isn’t even 20 years old (see the above pic).  I, myself, am currently gushing over an “event” book that, when boiled down to its essentials, is nothing more than a comic scientifically engineered to tickle my 12-year-old pickle.  Thanos is my Justin Timberlake.  N’Sync are my Infinity Gems.  Comic books, particularly superhero ones, are every bit as nostalgic and regressive as the boy-bands and teen vixens of pop music.  So while I scoff at the proles going batshit over 10 year old hooks sang by grown men with receding hair lines trying their damndest to recreate moves no thirtysomething should have to attempt (looking at you Fat One), I massage my own nostalgia-boner to pretty pictures of ageless Avengers saddling up for one last ride into the aether in a story not quite called Infinity Gauntlet 2:  The Soich For More Money, but may as well be.

Say my name!  “Hypocrite.”  You’re goddamned right.

So hit the jump and let’s get nostalgic, shall we?

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Buy These Flippin Comics!! (8/21/13) – Superman is Not Down With Bondage!

Superman.

Yo, yo, yo!  Since Breaking Bad has started back up, I find myself only talking in Jesse-isms.  Not such a crippling affliction, but I may call one, or all of you, bitches.  I offer an apology in advance.  But that’s not why you all are here.  You’re here for this week’s batch of comics, funnybooks, trade paperbacks, graphic novles, and other sorts of expensive nonsense that tickles us in our respective bathing suit areas.  Or maybe just our brains.  I still wear a swim cap, so I can count that as both.  Hit the jump and let’s discuss!

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‘HELLBLAZER’ is cancelled, to be integrated into New 52. F**k everything.

Hellblazer has been cancelled. Don’t worry, folks! It’s going to be stripped of its edge, declawed, and integrated into the DCU proper. This is so, so, so fucking dumb. No, hey. It’s cool. Dan DiDio is supremely proud of the title. This is why he has axed it, and is going to neuter the fantastic John Constantine. As an aside, if you haven’t read Garth Ennis’ ridiculous delicious run on the title, use this bad news to motivate you.

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Brian Wood ain’t done with Viking tales even though ‘NORTHLANDERS’ is over. Praise Thor.

Northlanders getting axed was a kick to my he-clit. Not the sort of lovely one that follows me being tied up by my Jennifer Lawrence clone, and prior to the candle wax on my nipples. An unsolicited one. It is good news for me then, that Brian Wood intends on continuing Viking stories after the first Universe ended.

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Buy These F**king Comics! – July 25, 2012: Zen and the Art of Underwater Welding

Welcome, welcome, welcome, to the funny book column at the end of the Internet. Or perhaps more specifically, at some abandoned asteroid-mining station spiraling into terminal descent. We here aboard the rickety ship don’t have much to comfort ourselves outside of the weekly comic book drop that comes courtesy of the spectra-gryphons sailing the solar waves. Drunk on cheap bathtub fermented moon juice and delusional from the vertigo, I admit my picks for worthwhile comic books can strike the bow a bit askew.

That’s where you come in, friends. Pull down the the blast shield long enough to bark out your finds in staccato bursts, before retiring to your dimly lit crevice in this here rotting rooster of a spaceship.

Don’t know what’s coming out? Pivot sharply and race down the cyber-wells towards the glowing info-cube. Comic List.

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Buy These F**king Comics! – June 13, 2012: Peter Parker Pederast

Hey friends! It’s time. Time to make the comic book list. I am endeavoring to craft this list amid a steady stream of flu-powered sweat dribbling down my dapper dome. Wipe, wipe, wipe my brow and then I continue soldiering on. Though I may be sickened even as tomorrow falls, I’ll take respite in knowing that I shall be sweating my grimy paws over some new funny books. Consider this my shamanistic powwow. I will share the titles that I hope shall pull me through my delirium. You follow up this vision quest by dropping the titles that you have staked out this week.

Don’t know what’s dropping?  Hit up ComicList.

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Buy These F**king Comics! – May 30, 2012: Batman And His Douchebag Bourgeois Buddies

Weeks like this are a special treat. Fat off the flesh of animal and the oak sodas after celebrating Memorial Day, nary a moment has passed after returning to reality and it is already Comic Book Day. None the less, it is the finest of  interstitial  days, an Island of Relief in the middle of the work week. This is the inglorious column where we discuss the funny rags we’re snagging on a given Wednesday. Per usual this is a douche-free zone, and if my poor taste results in me not dropping a title you’re interested in, by all means alley-oop a recommendation.

Don’t know what’s coming out? Hit up ComicList.

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