Nothing is sacred, especially our childhoods. Plastic face’d Megan Fox. Slap-ass plastic Ninja Turtles. ‘Splosions.
Finally, my tax dollars at work on something I can get behind. The troops deserve the most delicious of foods, and I think it’s objectively proven that pizza is that food.
You know William Fichtner. He’s that guy. Plays a villain in a million different movies. Can’t remember what you’ve seen him in? Don’t worry. You’ve seen him, and enjoyed his performance. Unfortunately, I don’t know about this next one of his. Duder is going to be rocking the role of Shredder in the next Michael Bay Vomit Pile.
Rome is burning, folks. So is our childhood.
If there was any doubt (there shouldn’t have been) that Michael Bay’s Ninja Thing Alien Surfers reboot was going to suck, you can cast aside those foolish notions. Megan Fox has joined the enterprise, portraying a childhood crush of mine. She’ll be taking the role over, bringing to it freakishly large thumbs, and raging vapidity.
I used to love cartoons. What happened? Did I grow up? Did I turn into a fun hating ogre? I just think that most cartoons today suck. There’s a few here and there that I love (Venture Brothers, South Park), but for the most part, I don’t like them. My friends always joke that I never had a childhood. They make assumptions that I was always the cynical dick that I present myself as. Well, to throw a wrench in their plans, here are my favorite 5 cartoon shows from when I was a child.
Just because all of us geeks are shitting ourselves in fear of Michael Bay’s douchebag reboot of the Not Teenage Nor Mutant Ninja Turles doesn’t mean there ain’t anyone sweating it. Take for example the co-creator of the franchise. He’s like, totally in love with the enterprise.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The time remaining before Michael Bay’s turd cut ties with his sphincter and casually falls onto the franchise dwindles, and so we must cherish this moments. Let’s hit the wayback machine, and think of when the Ninja Turtles first arrived. Perhaps by buying the original drawing. That’d be nostalgia, aye?
Dark Lords and Masters, what have we done to offend you so? It wasn’t bad enough that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are going to be Turtle Lookin’ Motherfuckers and nothing more in their reboot? Now we have Kid Cudi rolling up (ha!) into the franchise?