#June2014

‘TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES’ Trailer #2: DUBSTEPPING ON YOUR CHILDHOOD’S THROAT

TMNT

I’m going to level with you. I came up with the title before I watched the trailer because of Internet descriptions. Because you know what? This actually looks like it may be really fun in a completely dumb, absurd sort of way. I’m wavering on this flick, yo. WAVERING. Like. I know it looks dumb as sin. But maybe that’s okay?

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Shredder in the new ‘NINJA TURTLES’ movie looks like a dumb f**k face

Yup this is him.

This is Shredder from the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. He looks like an idiotic piece of Transformers shit. Hit the jump to bask in true horror.

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‘Turtle Power’ Trailer: Teenage Mutant Ninja Documentary

das creatorz

The official Marketing Gestapo behind the upcoming Teenage Mutant Childhood Killer (if you believe that — frankly I don’t know what the fuck to think) is putting out a direct-to-DVD documentary about the rise of the Mutated Ones. Will I buy it? No. Will I ride the High Seas to acquire it? NO. (Wink.)

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‘TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES’ Trailer: A Totally Tubular Bowel Movement!

TMNT.

Nothing is sacred, especially our childhoods. Plastic face’d Megan Fox. Slap-ass plastic Ninja Turtles. ‘Splosions.

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U.S MILITARY develops PIZZA THAT IS EDIBLE FOR YEARS.

Pizza party, fuckers.

Finally, my tax dollars at work on something I can get behind. The troops deserve the most delicious of foods, and I think it’s objectively proven that pizza is that food.

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WILLIAM FICHTNER rocking as ‘SHREDDER’ in the MICHAEL BAY VOMIT PILE ‘NINJA TURTLES’ REBOOT.

This guy.

You know William Fichtner. He’s that guy. Plays a villain in a million different movies. Can’t remember what you’ve seen him in? Don’t worry. You’ve seen him, and enjoyed his performance. Unfortunately, I don’t know about this next one of his. Duder is going to be rocking the role of Shredder in the next Michael Bay Vomit Pile.

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First look at MEGAN FOX as APRIL O’NEIL. More like APRIL O’NO. LOL.

BARK AT THE MOON.

Rome is burning, folks. So is our childhood.

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MEGAN FOX is APRIL O’NEIL’ in the ‘NINJA TURTLES’ MOVIE reboot. It’s all f**king over.

Megan Fox.

If there was any doubt (there shouldn’t have been) that Michael Bay’s Ninja Thing Alien Surfers reboot was going to suck, you can cast aside those foolish notions. Megan Fox has joined the enterprise, portraying a childhood crush of mine. She’ll be taking the role over, bringing to it freakishly large thumbs, and raging vapidity.

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The Dude’s High 5s: Old School Cartoons

The Dude's High 5.

I used to love cartoons.  What happened?  Did I grow up?  Did I turn into a fun hating ogre?  I just think that most cartoons today suck. There’s a few here and there that I love (Venture Brothers, South Park), but for the most part, I don’t like them. My friends always joke that I never had a childhood.  They make assumptions that I was always the cynical dick that I present myself as.  Well, to throw a wrench in their plans, here are my favorite 5 cartoon shows from when I was a child.

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OL STORE: Raph Says, “Daaammmn!”

Yo, ninja-heads! Why don’t you grab a slice of pizza and head over to the OL STORE? Don’t walk around flaunting your half-shells, cover up with one of our new t-shirts!

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