#March2014

‘TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES’ Trailer: A Totally Tubular Bowel Movement!

TMNT.

Nothing is sacred, especially our childhoods. Plastic face’d Megan Fox. Slap-ass plastic Ninja Turtles. ‘Splosions.

Read the rest of this entry »

U.S MILITARY develops PIZZA THAT IS EDIBLE FOR YEARS.

Pizza party, fuckers.

Finally, my tax dollars at work on something I can get behind. The troops deserve the most delicious of foods, and I think it’s objectively proven that pizza is that food.

Read the rest of this entry »

WILLIAM FICHTNER rocking as ‘SHREDDER’ in the MICHAEL BAY VOMIT PILE ‘NINJA TURTLES’ REBOOT.

This guy.

You know William Fichtner. He’s that guy. Plays a villain in a million different movies. Can’t remember what you’ve seen him in? Don’t worry. You’ve seen him, and enjoyed his performance. Unfortunately, I don’t know about this next one of his. Duder is going to be rocking the role of Shredder in the next Michael Bay Vomit Pile.

Read the rest of this entry »

First look at MEGAN FOX as APRIL O’NEIL. More like APRIL O’NO. LOL.

BARK AT THE MOON.

Rome is burning, folks. So is our childhood.

Read the rest of this entry »

MEGAN FOX is APRIL O’NEIL’ in the ‘NINJA TURTLES’ MOVIE reboot. It’s all f**king over.

Megan Fox.

If there was any doubt (there shouldn’t have been) that Michael Bay’s Ninja Thing Alien Surfers reboot was going to suck, you can cast aside those foolish notions. Megan Fox has joined the enterprise, portraying a childhood crush of mine. She’ll be taking the role over, bringing to it freakishly large thumbs, and raging vapidity.

Read the rest of this entry »

The Dude’s High 5s: Old School Cartoons

The Dude's High 5.

I used to love cartoons.  What happened?  Did I grow up?  Did I turn into a fun hating ogre?  I just think that most cartoons today suck. There’s a few here and there that I love (Venture Brothers, South Park), but for the most part, I don’t like them. My friends always joke that I never had a childhood.  They make assumptions that I was always the cynical dick that I present myself as.  Well, to throw a wrench in their plans, here are my favorite 5 cartoon shows from when I was a child.

Read the rest of this entry »

OL STORE: Raph Says, “Daaammmn!”

Yo, ninja-heads! Why don’t you grab a slice of pizza and head over to the OL STORE? Don’t walk around flaunting your half-shells, cover up with one of our new t-shirts!

Read the rest of this entry »

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES’ CO-CREATOR loves the Michael Bay-Flavored Reboot. No one’s perfect.

Just because all of us geeks are shitting ourselves in fear of Michael Bay’s douchebag reboot of the Not Teenage Nor Mutant Ninja Turles doesn’t mean there ain’t anyone sweating it. Take for example the co-creator of the franchise. He’s like, totally in love with the enterprise.

Read the rest of this entry »

First ‘NINJA TURTLES’ Drawing Up For Auction. Still Teenage, Still Sacred.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The time remaining before Michael Bay’s turd cut ties with his sphincter and casually falls onto the franchise dwindles, and so we must cherish this moments. Let’s hit the wayback machine, and think of when the Ninja Turtles first arrived. Perhaps by buying the original drawing. That’d be nostalgia, aye?

Read the rest of this entry »

Rumor: KID CUDI Is In The ‘NINJA TURTLES’ REBOOT? WHAT HAVE WE DONE.

Dark Lords and Masters, what have we done to offend you so? It wasn’t bad enough that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are going to be Turtle Lookin’ Motherfuckers and nothing more in their reboot? Now we have Kid Cudi rolling up (ha!) into the franchise?

Read the rest of this entry »