Here is a new Star Wars rumor. A sleuth upon the International Movie Database has uncovered a trove of documents purporting to detail the new cartoon in Uncle George’s Former Empire. Take a look at the deets, and then let me know what you think.
Son of a bitch! Walt Disney’s cryogenic head has reared up, crushing LucasArts. They exist no more, the financial Death Star eradicating the studio that has enriched countless lives. Such is the furious fist of capitalism, I suppose. The destruction has taken with it Star Wars 1313, a game which had the rare title of “Star Wars game I actually give a fuck about.”
Slather my taint in bees and feed me to Winnie the Pooh, this trailer is totally redonk. IGN has done us all the service of culling the excess and providing us Star Wars folk with all the trailer goodness from E3. Fuck to the yes.
I don’t want to like Star Wars 1313. Despite loving the Universe, the original trilogy, and pretending I can open automatic doors with the Force, my bitterness for Uncle George runs deep. Somehow the gameplay trailer for this newly-announced title has managed to pierce my scabby heart. reigniting my Star Wars loins. I wouldn’t bet on the game being good, for far too many titles in the Universe have aroused my interest only to let me down. I’m looking at you, SWTOR, KOTOR 2, and The Force Unleashed. For now though, I dream. Of dopeness.
Remember when I told you how like every iteration of Star Wars 1313 was registered as a domain name? Well, now we know what all of those registrations shall be be for. New Star Wars game! Wee! ‘Cause the last whatever how many since KOTOR haven’t been mediocre enough for us.
Oh golly gosh! A new Star Wars project is coming, tipped off courtesy of some blunt-force domain registrations. Just what is Star Wars 1313? More money for the Fuck Face.