Man. I’ve been binging 1980s action movies this year. And around the time of my twentieth or thirtieth one, I had a revelation. The Rock is goddamn wasted on all of these adaptations, franchise revivals, and fucking disaster porn spectacles. He should be mirking dudes with his biceps and boomsticks and bayonets. Smashing skulls, driving fast, ripping off one-liners. Not, Jesus fucking Christ, running around the city with his goddamn genetically engineered gorilla friend. Fighting other shitty looking monsters.

Like, what the fuck is going on. This looks so, so stupid.

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