The Last Guardian is “oh hiatus”? Uhhh. I know it’s not the same thing, but a game that hasn’t been shown for years isn’t one that I consider active. Hiding, “on hiatus”, in development Hell. These are all roses by another name. At least to me.
Welcome to Monday Morning Commute. This is the column where we all slow down enough to talk about what we’re enjoying on a given week. Me? How am I doing? Why, how kind of you to ask! As you may or may not know, I work on a college campus. And this week I’m lucky enough to enjoy the week off between Spring and Summer semesters. I’m going to spend the next seven days trying to figure out what that fuck I’m going to be teaching in a month, watching The Most Ill of all Bro Movies, and throwing a party at my new apartment. It’ll be a good week.
It’s eerie to waltz around a world I’ve seen in trailers on and off since 2011. Eerie and awe-inspiring. Columbia is another City 17; avid gamers will hopefully feel happy to hear me draw the comparison.
There’s been so much said about the game, both from two years’ worth of previews and advance (groan) exclusive reviews over the past week. I won’t waste your time with fluff; here are some (spoiler-free) thoughts from my five-hour foray into Columbia so far.
If the reports are true, the Wii U’s January sales were worse than any month in in either the Xbox 360 or PS3 lifespan. But! But! But! You can hold an enormous tablet! It serves as a second screen! Wee! Goddamn, I am glad that not many people are running out to gobble up this uninspired nonsense. Of course, I am glad while silently acknowledging that some Miyamoto magic will inevitably draw the system into my house.
Grand Theft Auto V has been delayed, thereby causing like, more than several people to frown. Oh lord, if you could see these frowns. The people don’t even respect themselves, drooling half-chewed pizza and such all over their t-shirts. Embarrassing. C’mon guys, it is just a game.
At this point in the dance, continuing to complain about microtransactions in gaming is like me complaining about blood in my stool. It is part and parcel for the area. If I didn’t want blood in my stool, I’d stop soaking my cells in aluminium filings to keep away the Illuminati Mind Control. If I didn’t want to deal with microtransactions, I would stop gaming. Dead Space 3 is the latest culprit in this spreading phenomenon. But don’t cry! It has N7 armor for some of us. Wee!
I’m not watching this. However, I’m presenting you with the opportunity. Do you dare to spoil?
Here’s the trailer for The Last of Us that dropped tonight at VGA 10. It’s got a release date too, wee! Expect it —May 7, 2013.
The drums of war go boom-boom or something, heralding the approach of the next GTA. These drums bring with them promotional leaks and posters for those who are interested. I assume you are interested.
I don’t know. Are we supposed to be enthused by this? Spring is a pretty big season. Like, I’m thinking April. It better be April. Didn’t GTA IV drop in April? I like cookies. Do you?