Oh Jesus Christ, my nipples are hard. Touch them. Feel their rigidity. Actually, don’t. They’re prone to cut you. Just watch this trailer instead.
‘MAN OF STEEL’ TEASER TRAILER: I hate that I don’t hate this.
July 21st, 2012 by Caffeine Powered
I caught this Man of Steel trailer prior to my viewing of Dark Knight Rises, and now it is online for the rest of the world to see. My main problem with this teaser trailer is that I actually find it enjoyable. This can only be setting me up for the inevitable disappointment of experiencing yet another Zack Snyder flick. Right? Fuck, I hope I’m wrong.
‘THE MASTER’ THEATRICAL TRAILER: The Theta levels are strong with this one.
July 19th, 2012 by Caffeine Powered
Wondering like me how you’re going to make sense of a post-Dark Knight Rises world? Hang your hat on the fact that this Fall this son of a bitch awaits us.
‘TAKEN 2′ INTERNATIONAL TRAILER: Liam Neeson Goes Full Wolverine
June 21st, 2012 by Caffeine Powered
In this trailer, Liam Neeson tells his daughter played by Maggie Legs for Days Grace that he’s going to do what he does best. Presumably he is referring to his outstanding capacity for death dealing, and I can’t imagine something that would make more sense than Neeson playing Wolverine at this point. They cannot both be the best at ass-whupping, it is a paradox with a simple fix.
NEW ‘DARK KNIGHT RISES’ FULL LENGTH TRAILER: Wayne Is Totally Angry
June 19th, 2012 by Caffeine Powered
Hey folks! Do you want a new full-length trailer for Dark Knight Rises? Of course you do!
‘RESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION’ TRAILER: Delectable Fecaltainment
June 14th, 2012 by Caffeine Powered
Resident Evil: Retribution is something like the thirty-ninth installment in this wonderfully asstacular series. The trailer for the flick features everything you’ve come to expect from the franchise, from the awful dialogue to the over-the-top action sequence. Day one, man. Day one!
‘ABRAHAM LINCOLN: VAMPIRE HUNTER’ RED BAND TRAILER: Yes. Yes, Please.
May 25th, 2012 by Caffeine Powered
Abraham Lincoln: Undead Douche Committee is a fictionalized version of an already fictionalized version of whatever sort of objective life Abraham Lincoln lived. It looks like a goddamn catastrophe, and I’m going to be wading knee deep into the stupidity giving absolutely no fucks.
‘THE GREAT GATSBY’ TRAILER: Slick, Stylish, Tone-Missing Bullshit.
May 22nd, 2012 by Caffeine Powered
I was pretty certain the overwrought gaudy nonsense of Baz Luhrmann was going to miss the mark with an adaptation of The Great Gatsby, and this sleek bullshit disaster trailer has done nothing to dissuade me of this notion. I hate this trailer a million times over.
Michel Gondry’s ‘THE WE AND THE I’ TRAILER: No Idea, But I Like It
May 16th, 2012 by Caffeine Powered
Michel Gondry is awesome. I haven’t seen The Green Hornet, but he’s still awesome. The dude plays with the form of film in ways equally energetic, youthful, and inventive, and I can get behind that. Here is the trailer for his next flick The We and The I, which will be dropping at Cannes. What exactly is the movie about? I’m not certain. I do know I want to see it.
