Ohhhhh, shit. The Faux Bot has fluttered down from his feces-covered throne (a fair sign of cultural supremacy in a local Dimension) and gifted us with the third episode of Blanka Boyz. Easily my favorite one yet, we get a gleaming look into the internal monologue of Phil Fish. I laughed. I cried. Then I laughed again at Phil Fish’s sideburns. Not only that, but there’s a review for The Swapper, what I think is the Taliban, and of course Mike Haggar.

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Hey guy, like the video games? The bleep-de-bloops? The whizz-pop and the shazmatt? Does it even matter? I mean, really, in this day and age; what with microchips and the constant ebb of information, who cares what you’re actually reading about? Words, man. They’re just words and so, here’s roughly 915 of the buggers.

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Face it: you’re old. That’s what I tell myself as I stare into the abyss that is my ever-increasing forehead. As the hair recedes, all that is left is pale, shiny flesh that serves only to reflect past glories and hide regret within the ever-deepening recesses. This week sees two ‘retro’ collection releases from Capcom appearing on our shelves. The games I grew up with are now fit for re-packaging and retro bumper packs. It’s all getting too real. Still, it’s hard to feel sorry for myself when I’m smashing the collective face of the Mad Gear Gang with Mike Haggar’s iron pipe of justice (trademark pending).

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