Yo, I don’t even know. This picture is making the rounds on the Internet today, and I want to be like everyone else. Truthfully though, it’s a pretty ballin’ picture. That’s what the hip kids say these days. Balling! Hit the jump to check it out. Or don’t. Just stay here and bask in the glory of Will Smith. Sucking on that big brown lit-phallus. Dude has it figured out.
Presidents suck.
Maybe there’s something in the White House water. Or maybe it’s the fact that it takes an elevated level of egotism and self-righteousness and disregard for human life to serve as Commander-in-Chief. But the fact of the matter is that any individual who’s ever been President of the United States of America has sucked.
JFK. Reagan. Lincoln. Washington. FDR. Hayes. Clinton. Fillmore. Boneheads, the lot of `em!
Tuesday is Election Day, and as such the people of the United States will head to the polls to decide which miscreant is going to have a place in the Oval Office. There’ll be television coverage and petty spats between friends who don’t understand why they’re voting for their respective candidates and it’ll be the abysmal illusion it always is. Don’t resist, just revel.
With that being said, let’s take the time to engage in a much more important discussion. Something that matters to us. A topic that has actually affected our daily lives.
WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE FICTIONAL PRESIDENT?
With an insatiable desire to depict worlds in disarray, Roland Emmerich has spent the better part of three decades pumping out grandiose blockbusters bedecked in social destruction with a flair for the skeptical. That isn’t to say there is a whole lot of method behind the madness; Emmerich’s love for blowing stuff up–be it a sturdy building or established fact–is just too primary, too outrageous. And he’s willing to draw on dicey pasts (The Patriot, Anonymous) and controversial presents (The Day After Tomorrow, 2012) to lay waste to the good earth of cinema, scorching anything that resembles sensible storytelling or true scientific inquiry in his movies’ cataclysmic march to commercial success. And leader of this bombastic parade is Independence Day, Emmerich’s most entertaining film to date.
Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. “Mankind.” That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it’s fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom… Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution… but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: “We will not go quietly into the night!” We will not vanish without a fight! We’re going to live on! We’re going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!
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