It has been a fair amount of time since we commented on the Robopocalypse. Here we go. Brown fucking University has developed a remote that allows us to control robots with our dome-pieces. C’mon, Skynet. Just hijack that shit. We are asking for it.
At this point in the dance, continuing to complain about microtransactions in gaming is like me complaining about blood in my stool. It is part and parcel for the area. If I didn’t want blood in my stool, I’d stop soaking my cells in aluminium filings to keep away the Illuminati Mind Control. If I didn’t want to deal with microtransactions, I would stop gaming. Dead Space 3 is the latest culprit in this spreading phenomenon. But don’t cry! It has N7 armor for some of us. Wee!
Eddie Pluto kicked off 2013 by bringing this dollop of shit to my attention. I could hear his raspy cackle in my mind as I read through the news, all the while knowing my rage would feed his blackened heart. Fuck. You know, there was a point where I was really excited for the film adaptation of The Great Gatsby. Then there was the period of Hulkian rage when I was exposed to the horrendous trailer. Now? Now I’m just going to buckle-up and try and enjoy the nightmare.
Now that George Lucas has abdicated the Star Wars throne, I suppose some hero from my childhood had to pick up his ritual of shitting directly into the heart valves of my adolescent soul. Fuck. Clerks is one of my favorite movies of all time, Clerks 2 is a sore on my testicles that keeps oozing, and a final flick (while I will see it because I’m a sucker) makes me barf little balls of agony into my tits hair.
I go down for a nap, and I wake up in this world. I’m not certain I haven’t slid through dimensions. Who are you fucking people? No serious, what the fuck? This is surreal. I’ve always said it: theStar Wars universe rules. I’ve said it to countless people across two conventions. If Disney can field a talented bunch for Episode 7 (and provided it is happening), this could be tremendous. Or it could be another dry, spiked dog dick penetrating my childhood without consent.
What’s your take?
I don’t like Bryan Singer. I don’t like his X-Men movies. Now the dude may be taking over for Matthew Vaughn, who has probably left X-Men: First Class 2 to direct some Mark Millar shit-bomb. I am unhappy with all of this! All of it!
Summer 2012 has blown through the nerd universe with a thunderous fury, and OL rode the wave to its first major convention appearance. We rocked FanExpo Canada in Toronto, home of yours truly, and generated some fantastic buzz on the show floor.
The essential blow-by-blow follows. Brace yourselves.
A good friend and Discipline of the Infinite Click let me play the Diablo III beta last week. It was Diablo, but prettier. I was instantly in love-lost-dick-groaning. It felt so ready! Maybe I was delusional, cause Blizzard is now gutting a lot of the core systems.