#March2014

NASA astronomer finds first EARTH-SIZED planet in habitable zone. Pack yer bags.

Earth.

Pack your bags! Once we can conquer the impossible and traffic faster than light, we’ve found our first stop. Motherfuckin’ Earth-sized planet has been spotted in the “juicy space spot”, where planets thrive. I’m just spit balling. I don’t really know what I’m talking about. Too busy fingering my ass in public and screaming “you’ll never find me where I’m going!” while wearing my NASA space suit.

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NASA has announced discovery of 715 MORE EXOPLANETS

Outer Space.

All the planets! We will discover them all! And then — then we will silently weep because we will never reach any of them. Goddamn technological limitations! Goddamn laws of the Universe.

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EARTH has HELLACIOUS EXOPLANET TWIN

The Hellish twin.

Earth! It has itself a fucking twin. The only problem is that this Exoplanet twin is a scalding little piece of hell, constantly whipping around its star with an impressive fervor.

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Newly Discovered EXOPLANETS Are 13 Billion Years-Old. Big Bang Levels Of Old.

A mere 375 light-years away lurks the star  HIP 11952 and its two planets. These days exoplanets are a dime a goddamn dozen, but these two are a bit on the special tip. Using their brain-cannons to calculate and tabulate, people smarter than me have dated these two pigs at nearly the same age as the Big Bang.

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Astronomers Find First Four Exoplanets of 2012. Pshaw, So Passé!

Man! Woman! Transgender! Everyone! Do you remember when it was like totally special to find an exoplanet? Yeah I’m struggling to, too. Astronomers have found the first four of 2012! Like, whatevs.

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Exoplanet Has Is Own Shock Wave Shield To Save Its Atmosphere.

WASP-12b likes it hot. Or at least it better. Located just two million miles away from its star, the motherfucking temperature on its surface is 4000 degrees Fahrenheit.  WASP-12b ain’t fretting though. It’s got its own blast shield to save its atmosphere.

Galactic science, get!

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Every Exoplanet Orbiting Every Star Found By Kepler In One Image.

Enlarge. | Via. | Super High-Res.

Behold!, fellow astronomical dorkcore assholes like myself. The image above is every single exoplanet  orbiting every single star found by the Kepler telescope. Go ahead, click it.

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Kepler Telescope Has Discovered 1,000+ Planets. Good Lord.

You can’t seem to go a week or two these days without some ridiculous news coming out regarding the Kepler telescope. The son of a bitch has been in orbit for something like two years, and the intrepid son of a bitch just keeps finding planets. It’s a planet finding motherfucker. Today it was dropped that Kepler has found in excess of 1,200 possible planets.

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