Jay Wilson was the director of the phenomenally disappointing (for me) Diablo 3. Oh sure, nothing could have came close to the second title. I admit that. Just like how after discovering I had a hairy asshole (hair! in my asshole?! puberty is cray), it was never really a revelation again. Still though, I anticipated at least playing the game more than once. For more than a week. So Jay Wilson, wherever you go, I don’t give a shit. Take care. Goodbye.
It is good to see someone important blasting Diablo III for the turd-dongle that it turned out to be. The would-be bomb thrower is none other than one of the creators of the original Diablo, so the dude has some merit. Would you believe that it cheesed off the people behind Diablo III? I would!
Welcome back to Press Start: a column that used to be written by Caffeine Powered. Whilst he battles his crippling addiction to bath salts I’ve agreed to fill in, so without further ado; I present you with five individual, shrink-wrapped nuggets of gaming news all prepped and ready for your consumption.
Diablo 3 is going to be rocking out in retinal display on the new MacBook Pro. I don’t exactly know what the absurd resolution looks like, I just know I want it.
Man, fuck Error 37! It’s dog crap. Hogwash. I wish someone would totally do something about it. Like what? I don’t know, maybe raid Blizzard’s office or something.
Diablo 3 had a bumpy launch, but it didn’t get me down that much. Even still, it’s nice to see that the Blizzard Fools are on their grind, trying to improve the Lord of Darkness.
There was a point when I wondered if Diablo 3 would be a success like its predecessor was, and it is announcements like this that make me feel silly for thinking so.
Do you understand the spatial confusion that comes with the Thaw? Here I am, freshly out of my Cryo-Pod and pressed into service. That’s right, those aghast. Rendar isn’t here this week. It’s your boy, Caff-Pow. I was orbiting a particularly interesting noodle along the orbit of Charlatan-IV where the distress beacon run. It spoke to me in words and phrases I couldn’t understand; I wasn’t familiar with.
Beep – too busy. real world responsibilities. grown-up stuff.
Beep – do you comply, brother?
Being a good space-bound brother, I obliged. I may not understand responsibilities or the real world, but I do understand the humble request from a man who descended out of the same Momma gut as me. Entering my finger-prints-semen-saliva-testicle-taint into the recognition software, I jettisoned my temporary virtuality. Good bye, Charlatan-IV. Hello MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE. The column where we share those distractions that keep us cutting while peering into the oblivion of the wash-work-wank-rinse cycle that will transport us from one edge of oblivion into the next.
So Diablo 3 has been out for over 24 hours, and for some of those hours it has even been playable! I figured it’d be done proper to get an open thread going where we can wax diabolical and the such. For the love of God please don’t use this venue for only bitching about Blizzard’s chunky vomit all down the side of their pants. Game impressions, rants, funny happenings, et cetera. Let’s get it going.
Internet-famous nerd rager Francis is pretty awesome, once you realize its an act. I sort of like it more that way, since sometimes it does seem contrived (forgiven because its a performance) and its more than anything a display of our cumulative Nerd ID. This time Francis takes to the Diablo 3 outages with his typical panache. I’m actually typing this bullshit in the dead of night…because I can’t fucking login.