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For the upcoming San Diego Comic Con, Marvel has dropped two super-ballin’ concept paintings. One for Captain America, and one for Thor. These guys are absurdly bad ass.

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The great irony here may be that the paintings designed to promote the movies may actually show why there’s something about these characters in graphic form that cannot be captured by cameras.

Ahoy! Mutiny on the Cyber-Sea! Caffeine Powered has been sent walking Spanish and now I, Pepsibones Krueger, am steering this vessel known as VARIANT COVERS! Yes! Finally! I GOT THE TOUCH! I GOT THE POWER!

*Ahem* Yeah, so anyways, I’m going to highlight some of this week’s more notable comics releases. Join me – it’s going to be a blast.

Captain America #607

Bucky Barnes continues to rock the shield, even as Steve Rogers has been brought back from wherever. As a fan of character development (I know, I know, maybe I should reevaluate my loyalty to comic books), I am more than pleased that `ole Stars and Stripes’ status quo hasn’t been reinstated. Instead, Brubaker gets to keep pleasing fans readers by toying with paneled mythology.

Truthfully, I kind of forget what’s going on in the series right now. I remember that Bucky and Falcon slap down some thugs and Baron Zemo plans something treacherous. I’m assuming we’ll get more of that this week. With Brubaker/Guice teaming up, the book is virtually guaranteed to be enjoyable.

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Green Lantern #55

Holy shit. This might be the most ridiculous issue of GL in recent history. Setting the tone, this is a crossover with Brightest Day – an event whose direction I’m still unsure of. Yeah, we all know that it has something do to with the end of Blackest Night and whatnot, but what the hell’s going on? Is this something I should really care about or should I just put my eggs in the Return of Bruce Wayne basket? Nevertheless, I give Brightest Day the pass because I got hooked up with an ill White Lantern ring.

So, this comic promises a brawl between Lobo (at one-time a satire, now more of a pastiche) and Atrocitus (the Red Lantern who reminds me of Abdullah the Butcher). Of course, these two troublemakers won’t get away with this sort of intergalactic caca. If I had to guess, I’d say Hal Jordan is going to step it up, punch a hole in the butthead by whom he is most annoyed, and then call it a day.

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Invincible Iron Man Annual #1

You gotta love annuals. As I’ve come to know them, these editions usually offer more pages, better art, and more concise storytelling than their monthly counterparts. I’ll gladly shell out an extra buck for book that I’ll actually remember years down the road.

For Tony Stark’s first annual, the tried-and-true team of Fraction/Larroca present some sort of backstory for the Mandarin. From the descriptions I’ve read, it seems as though the issue will operate in a fashion à la The Killing Joke; there will be both genuine hints and well-played misdirection, captivating readers while never giving away too much.

If you liked the Iron Man flicks, you should check this comic out. Matt Fraction has done a terrific job of writing stories to lure in new fans while paying respect to the legacies that the more dedicated fanbase has spent years adoring.

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Captain Swing and the Electrical Pirates of Cindery Island #2

God damn you, Warren Ellis. I’m going to buy this comic book tomorrow. And I hate myself for that. The fact of the matter is that you’re just too damn awesome. You have kooky pseudo-scientific ideas wrapped around action and heartfelt sentiment. Your dialogue is witty and I care about your characters.

As one of the best writers in comics, you’ve earned my dollar bills. But the fact is that you might just have too many ideas. In a way, I’d prefer if you just cooked up one or two plots and then followed them to the end. Planetary took four years to finish. What’s the deal with Fell? And when can I expect a new Doktor Sleepless, the best narrative I’ve read in years?

Please, Warren, take my money. You’ve paid your dues and now I want to help pay your light bill. But I’m going to be expecting you to finish some of the aforementioned projects sometime soon.

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Egad! It appears as though Caffeine Powered has pounded a two-liter of Mountain Dew and is preparing to reclaim his ship! Into the Information-Scooner I go, piloting myself back to my hidden base. Feel free to visit any time you’d like.

[images & words is the comic book pick-of-the-week at OL. equal parts review and diatribe, the post highlights the most memorable/infuriating/entertaining book released that wednesday]

Spoilers Ahead. Forreal.

Marvel Comics is ushering in a new era for its brand, a return to form dubbed The Heroic Age. Under this new banner, the Marvel universe is (hopefully) going to realign itself and enter a period in which a status quo can be relied upon. And this is a good thing, giving the reader a chance to breathe after seven years of turmoil that included team breakups, civil wars, and alien invasions.

As any avid comics enthusiast knows, every event is accompanied by a slew of one-shots and tie-ins. Often, these are transparent attempts to earn a couple extra bucks by inserting tenuous connections between the major happening and an otherwise unrelated title. I can’t help but shake my head in disgust, disapproving of the theft of nerd-dollars that could be best spent elsewhere.

But sometimes, when the planets line up just right, tie-ins can be really fucking rad. And it looks like Jupiter and Neptune are in sync, because The New Avengers Finale is the book of the week.

Bendis’ script takes the reader through the direct aftermath of Siege; Norman Osborn has been exposed, the remaining villains are on the run, and Earth’s mightiest heroes have finally reunited. The remaining superheroes have to figure out their place in this brave new world, now that the all the major threats have been averted and the Superhuman Registration Act is null and void.

This setup provides the opportunity for bridges to be built across the chasms created over the last few years. Needless to say, this comic argues on the behalf of forgiveness, second chances and teamwork as the champions of justice come together to take down The Hood, Madame Masque and her father Count Nefaria. This crisis, coming after the siege of Asgard, doesn’t seem especially critical but it serves as an excellent excuse to see the Avengers assembling for the first time in years.

Iron Man? Captain America? Thor? Friends again?! Fuck yes.

The New Avengers Finale, like many of Marvel’s notable works of late, is penciled by the always astounding Bryan Hitch. Receiving some assistance from Stuart Immonen, the artist depicts the Avengers with a detail and vibrancy of which few are capable. Hitch really goes balls-to-the-wall, giving the reader all sorts of wonderful eye-candy to slobber over. For me, the visual highlights include a two-page spread of the newest Avengers lineup as well as a full splash page of Wolverine getting read to lay down the law.

But what convinced me that this had to be OL’s top-choice of the week were the book’s last eighteen pages. Nine splashes, spread across two pages each, take us through various flashbacks of the Avengers during the recent strife. Every single one of these images is jaw-droppingly gorgeous, the stuff that nerds fantasize about when they’re not dreaming of babes. If you need more convincing, just check out the list of artists brought on board specifically for these flashbacks:

David Finch, Danny Miki, Frank D’Armata, Steve McNiven, Dexter Vines, Morry Hollowell, Olivier Coipel, John Dell, Mike Deodato Jr., Pimental, Dave Stewart, Leinil Yu, Mark Morales, Laura Martin, Bryan Hitch, Rain Beredo, Billy Tan, Matt Banning, Justin Ponsor

Holy shit.

These pages remind the reader that the comics medium is rooted in illustration. While great storytelling can compensate for lackluster art, the greatest works always have pages that please the eye. This comic book gives us nine examples of this simple fact.

I purchased The New Avengers Finale with low expectations, anticipating that it would do nothing more than help me put off work for another fifteen minutes. But what I would up with was a real treat, the perfect transition out of the Dark Reign and into the Heroic Age. After reading this book, I have no doubt that good things are on the way for Marvel readers.

Excelsior, motherfuckers!

[Variant Covers is a column every Tuesday that breaks down the various titles coming out that week in the world where an Aryan Poster Child defends America!]

Captain America: Who Won’t Wear the Shield #1
You have to hand it to Marvel for being self-conscious. After giving the readers Captain America: Who Will Wear the Shield, a comic that revealed and settled nothing, they’re releasing this little gem. And better yet, they’re going to make four bucks off of everyone ridiculous enough to buy it. It’s something like “Hey, we realized how retarded our one-shots are, now buy another one because we’re totally ironic and self-efficacious.”

I’m not going to buy it, but I have to hand it to Marvel for trying, you know? Nothing like post-modern recognition meeting capitalism. Bravo to you guys.

One of the difficult things about writing this column every week is trying to find something exciting. If you’re a comic book fan, you know that generally the same comic books come out the same week of every month. I mean, I can only recommend Daredevil so many times before I’m like “Drinkwater, you’re fucking redundant.” So I scour the release lists and the shit that I recommend is off the table, and that leaves what exactly?

Stuff I haven’t read, or don’t want to check out.

It isn’t that I’m not adventurous, but I generally have no interest in reading something like Fall Of the Hulk: Throwdown On Planet Zuul or whatever. Does that make me close-minded? Perhaps. I’m always looking for suggestions though. Throw something my way and I’m game to try it out.

Star Wars Official Starships And Vehicles Collection Magazine #13

However, one of the beautiful things about writing this shit is that I get to glance at the list of weekly releases. Such an action inevitably leads me to come across things such as this. That’s right, Star Wars fanboys. There are magazines dedicated to detailing the official vehicles of the Star Wars Universe. This son of a bitch is going to tell you everything you ever wanted to know about Tie Bombers. I know I’ve had a few questions about them. You know, fuselage, and uh, missile capacity and shit.

And now I can have those questions answered for me, for eighteen bucks. Eighteen bucks! Holy fuck! I can’t fathom buying this magazine for that sort of money, but I can picture myself ten years ago begging my Mom to buy it for me. Maybe that’s the target audience: little kids with boners for a galaxy far, far, away.

Green Lantern #53

After all the bullshit coming out of Blackest Night, the various Lanterns seem to want to roll as one giant posse. This is going to end poorly, like really poorly. Didn’t any of the lanterns watch WWF back in the day? This gathering of such disparate personalities is going to be righteous for a while. They’re going to bang some heads, ding some assholes out with intergalactic steel chairs and think they’re on top of the world.

But eventually they will begin to butt heads. The honey moon will end, and then one of them will like, show up late to a fight with Superboy Prime Earth^9, and there will be tons of resentment. Old animosities will be reopened, and then they’ll be feuding at Wrestlemania.

I’ve seen this shit a thousand times. I mean, if the Heartbreak Kid and Triple H couldn’t exist in DX, how can Sinestro and Hal Jordan expect themselves to be on the same team? It’s unpossible. Mark me.

That’s about it, really. Another week. Nothing spectacular. I find it hard to get it up for A-Team Shotgun Wedding #4, you know? Well fuck, I find it generally hard to get it up. What can I say, I’m a man of poor circulation. Through sheer willpower I wish my genitals to life! I spend time being amazed and happy that the comic book world is ridiculous enough to support A-Team comic books. But then I think of what are probably incredibly talented writers and pencilers out there starving for work while putting out exceptional shit while this crap gets made.

I shouldn’t complain, as a stalwart supporter of the mainstream rag, I’m not really helping these people. Again, if you know of worthy consumption, pass it my way. It isn’t out of a lack of desire that I don’t follow these comics. I have enough room beside my desire for Lasers, Huge Pectoral Muscles and Taut Asses for some existential angst or marginally known work.

See you next week.

Whedonnites, prepare! to! fap!

via slashfilm:

Variety, in a confirmation of Whedon’s hiring two days ago, says that he’ll rewrite The Avengers. He’s got plenty of experience writing superhero teams and for ensemble casts, so that, again, was pretty much a foregone conclusion. But as The First Avenger: Captain America, set to shoot soon, is basically a lead-in to the big team movie, should Whedon do some work on that script, too?Pajiba says that’s exactly what he’s going to do. The site has “a source close to the project,” who says that Whedon is likely to be assigned a rewrite on Cap. That’s all the site really has, but given that the word I’ve heard about the Captain America script hasn’t been terribly positive, it’s certainly a rumor I’d like to believe.

I’m totally fucking stoked that Joss Whedon is rewriting The Avengers and Captain America. For starters, the first draft of The Avengers was by Zak Penn. He wrote X3. I rest my case. When I heard he was the guy behind The Avengers, a single tear fell from my eyes, and I said, “Well, it could be worse, they could cast Johnny Storm as Captain America.”

I’m kidding. I’m really almost sort of over that.

And despite the fact that Whedon rewriting the movies means that they’re going to be filled with existential angst, vampires, and atheism, I’m okay with it.

After the events of Marvel’s Civil War, Steve Rogers aka Captain America was going to be tried for treason. Dude didn’t want to cop to making it mandatory that every superhero register their identity with the government. Before the guy could be tried though, he was totally killed, and sent into the time stream.

Having come back though, he was pardoned by Barack Obama in the pages of the funny book. And then someone got the actual Barack Obama to sign the page where it occurs. Amazing. I came across this today via Ed Brubaker’s Twitter feed. If you don’t know who Ed Brubaker is, he’s the dude who knocks it out of the galactic ballpark every month with his work on Captain America, amongst other things.

Yo, forget receiving the offer, Chris Evans is officially Captain America. I came across the news today over at Slashfilm.

Via Slashfilm:

The casting search for Steve Rogers aka the title role in The First Avenger: Captain America has finally come to the end. Marvel Studios and director Joe Johnston have hired Chris Evans for the role.

I’m not really sure how I feel about it. Since Saturday, I’ve come around on Evans. As countless dudes pointed out; including Pepsibones amongst others; Evans can act. Dude has chops in Sunshine, okay, agreed. Leave me alone about it. Don’t read this post and go WATCH SUNSHINE,

On the other hand, the dude just doesn’t…come across as Captain America? He’s more playboy than wholesome. He’s more sexy than commanding. Who knows. I could be completely, and I hope I am, wrong. I just can’t picture the dude playing an authoritative role.

Steve Rogers is capable of leading brosephs into battle against the Red Skull and Nazis. He’s supposed to give them hope and faith. At best, Chris Evans gives me a broner.

We’ll see.

Chris Evans as Captain America? Has the whole world gone crazy?! The dude who played Johnny Storm in those shitty Fantastic Four movies has been offered the helm of not only the Captain America but also the Avengers flick? And a thousand nerd-boys cried out at once.

Via Slashfilm

If Chris Evans fancies adding another comic book character to his resume, then the coveted mantle of Captain America is reportedly his for the taking.Heat Vision warn that he’d have to free himself from an obligation to headline the rom-com What’s Your Number? with Anna Faris before he could take the role, but I’d imagine he’s already got Miles Massey types working on it.Evans was not part of Marvel’s original hit list for the role, but he’s apparently ridden in late in the day to win them over.

I actually dig Chris Evans. And I thought he was perfect as Johnny Storm. Unfortunately, ridiculous, quasi-brain-damaged-but-amusing isn’t exactly how I envision Steve Rogers. Oh well. Maybe they see something in him that I don’t. I mean, I dug his serious turn in Sunshine, so there’s that. I don’t know though, color me disappointed with a mild shade of inexplicable hopeful optimism. And uh, throw in some woeful resignation. And confusion. And a slight appreciation for Evans’ body, which is gorgeous.

Snap! Hugo Weaving has been cast as The Red Skull in the Captain America movie. Let me blast your tits with an analogy. This casting decision is as awesome as casting Jim from The Office as Steve Rogers would have been fucking awful. Take that to your Miller’s Analogies test. I dig on Weaving, the dude has owned my soul as Agent Smith, V from V For Vendetta, and as that Elf Guy whose name I won’t attempt to type from Lord of the Rings.

I tried to discuss this with my friend Andrew, and he went into such a blind rage about this casting being typecasting that I wanted to massage his testicles through the interwebz. I love you Andrew, it’s going to be okay. I’m fine with the casting, since I want The Red Skull to be some creepy, booming-voiced Nazi motherfucker. He’s got the sort of mug that screams “I’m creepy”, and his aforementioned voice is perfectly down for epic proclamations and monologuing, which we know all good villains must do at some point.

This is a total +50 to anticipation for the movie, and the first time I’ve been like, oh shiznit, this flick could work.

[images & words is the comic book pick-of-the-week at OL. equal parts review and diatribe, the post highlights the most memorable/infuriating/entertaining book released that wednesday]

The theme for this week’s Images & Words is blood and thunder. This is the phrase that I couldn’t stop thinking of as I read the second issue of Siege, the limited series that sees Norman Osborn and his cronies trying to trash Thor’s crib. Built upon the premise of gods and superheroes duking it out, the expectation is that Siege would be an action-packed fanboy wet dream.

So far, the expectations are being met. And then some.

Picking up where the first issue left off, Siege #2 takes the reader right into the middle of the battle for Asgard. As was to be expected, Ares (yes, the god of bloodlust exists in the Marvel Universe) realizes that Norman Osborn’s been playing him for a damn fool! Jumping ship, Ares has himself a slugfest with the Sentry. And it’s this slugfest that ends up stealing the show.

I don’t want to spoil anything, but I will say this – the fight ends with a fatality. Actually, it’s a two-page dismemberment, with entrails and blood and bodily fluids flying all over the damn place.

Yeah, it really is the artistic team of Coipel/Morales/Martin (pencils/inks/colors) that makes this comic especially worthwhile. Bendis’ scripting isn’t bad (in fact, it’s quite good) but the stunning visuals are what elevate the book. In addition to the aforementioned gorefest, even the more mundane sequences are sexy. Coipel’s pencils give Captain America a youthful sensibility which really shines through during his conversation with Steve Rogers.

Hell, the team even manages to make a snoozer of a meeting (between…well, some of Earth’s mightiest heroes) worthy being framed and hung poster-style.

I’m not going to waste time with one of my exhausting complaints about comics-events – but only because Siege is genuinely enjoyable. I think the series is pushing the Marvel universe in an interesting direction, and is doing so with guns and gods and explosions and all that other good shit. I’m sold.