Ain’t this a hell of a find. New astronomical wizards have come to the conclusion that every star has planets. Take that factoid, and all of a sudden the possibility of Earth-like planets skyrockets. Or is it spacerockets? Yeah, I know. Groan.
I’ve read before about the gnarly collision that is destined between our own home galaxy and that sliding son of a bitch Andromeda. Unfit to let our eventual collision be left as a burden on other homo-martian-neptunians, NASA astronomers have decided to let the world know.
The Cold War is heating up again! Russia is going full Bond, revealing their intentions of building a permanent base. ‘Cept I don’t really care that its Russia, cause at least someone is planning it. ‘Cept I don’t think they’d tell anyone if they were building something nefarious. Or would they? Plot! Thickens!
You think acid rain is rough around these parts, you hippie? Mercury is dealing with way more serious shit than that. Try solar plasma raining down across the miserable ass planet. Try that!
Hey! Happy Saturday! Everything going well? Nice, nice. Sorry to piss in your cheerios butttttttttttt, did you know the number of asteroids that pose a risk to Earth is twice what we previously thought? Hey, have fun mowing your lawn.
Ah, the Andromeda Galaxy. It is our nearest galactic buddy in the Local Cluster, and as you can tell from this work of Rock it is quite swanky. Look at it, all a mere 2.5 million light-years away. Taunting us with its splendor.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh, this is getting my goddamn jollies off. Cover your eyes, close your mouth. There’s excite-fluids being flung. NASA has detected light from an alien “Super-Earth” for the first time. How, you ask? Hope you got a minute.