#Welcome To the Future
Scientists detect hidden chamber in Great Pyramid of Giza. Like, please don’t piss off the Elder Ones
Scientists have detected a hidden chamber in the Great Pyramid of Giza. Sounds pretty bad ass, but man I got reservations. You see, everything I’ve been taught in life informs me that this is where Elder Ones hang out. Their pad, where they relax in-between eating planets and inciting cosmic horror.
This is how it fucking begins, man. First the robots are scanning shelfs, auditing them. Next thing you know they’re scanning us, auditing our worth. And oh, by the way, you’d probably notice our worth as a fact-denying, bloated, hateful corpulence isn’t that high right now. Their first strike fixing to be justified, the rate we’re going.
Why the fuck not, right? Burger King has launched a cryptocurrency in Russia, the WhopperCoin. Can’t make this shit up. Some straight-up Snow Crash shit. The future is wild.
Shanghai! Launches! Get it? Cause, they’re always screaming “LAUNCH EVA” in Evangelion? Yeah, yeah. If I don’t respect myself of course I don’t expect you to respect me. Dicks.
Cheers, Quentin Lengele. You’ve recreated Deckard’s apartment in VR, thereby confirming you’re a way bigger fan of the movie than me. And, fuck, I’ve always prided myself on my love for the movie.
KFC has some new technology that is ready to suggests orders to you. Based on your face. Hey, makes sense. I’m always hungry for some Deep Fried Sadness and Flatulence-Caked Mashed Potatoes.
A dinosaur tail has been found! Preserved in amber. Covered in feathers. 99 million years old. Friggin’ rad.
Welcome, fellow travellers! Welcome here to the Open Bar, upon the Space-Ship Omega! I #cantstop and I #wontstop the cheesy, but ultimately enjoyable (for me) conceit! You know, the one about this website being a Space-Ship. You know, the one about us being denizens of a shuddering, weathered, but comforting hunk of self-propelling space-junk amid the abyss of the internet cosmos.
As I said, it’s comforting.
You can now finally download Netflix movies for offline viewing. Finally! So download all them movies and get media-corpulent while disconnected from bandwidth-pipes.