#Welcome To the Future
Facebook! You know, the monolith that we all simultaneously hate and prostrate ourselves before? The one that fucks up everything? Well, this gang of chucklefuck morons is developing a cryptocurrency.
MIT has built a robotic houseplant that moves on its own. It’s nice to know the overlords will have green
Oh, isn’t this a relief. At least when the Robot Overlords finally take over, we know they’ll have some greenery.
This is the kind of news that just tickles me. Not only is this a wonderful read, the topic is fascinating. Here we have the real Neos, Trinitys and Morpheus of the world that have figured out this security issue and now behind the scenes we have the mad scramble to patch all affected systems. Which appaears to be EVERY single device with an intel processor made in the last ten years.
Burger Chain in California teaming-up with surveillance company for face-scanning loyalty program. Dystopia Now, baby!
A local California burger chain is banking on its customers wanting fucking loyalty points more than they don’t want want their faces fucking scanned and logged in some database somewhere. I, the ever present cynic, am guessing they’re probably right. Who needs to fight against Dystopian futures when you can get free french fries or some shit. Who needs privacy when there are hamburgers at stake, bro!
Scientists detect hidden chamber in Great Pyramid of Giza. Like, please don’t piss off the Elder Ones
Scientists have detected a hidden chamber in the Great Pyramid of Giza. Sounds pretty bad ass, but man I got reservations. You see, everything I’ve been taught in life informs me that this is where Elder Ones hang out. Their pad, where they relax in-between eating planets and inciting cosmic horror.
This is how it fucking begins, man. First the robots are scanning shelfs, auditing them. Next thing you know they’re scanning us, auditing our worth. And oh, by the way, you’d probably notice our worth as a fact-denying, bloated, hateful corpulence isn’t that high right now. Their first strike fixing to be justified, the rate we’re going.
Why the fuck not, right? Burger King has launched a cryptocurrency in Russia, the WhopperCoin. Can’t make this shit up. Some straight-up Snow Crash shit. The future is wild.
Shanghai! Launches! Get it? Cause, they’re always screaming “LAUNCH EVA” in Evangelion? Yeah, yeah. If I don’t respect myself of course I don’t expect you to respect me. Dicks.
Cheers, Quentin Lengele. You’ve recreated Deckard’s apartment in VR, thereby confirming you’re a way bigger fan of the movie than me. And, fuck, I’ve always prided myself on my love for the movie.
KFC has some new technology that is ready to suggests orders to you. Based on your face. Hey, makes sense. I’m always hungry for some Deep Fried Sadness and Flatulence-Caked Mashed Potatoes.