THIS WEEK ON Dexter: “Sunshine and Frosty Swirl”

October 9th, 2012 by Caffeine Powered

This episode finally had a character on the show suffer the realization that I did dozens of episodes ago. Deb is all like, “Harry was probably a puke-filled toilet of a Dad.” Even if you take away the idea that Dexter is interpreting Harry’s code through a blood-soaked curtain, why the fuck would a Dad ever drub up such a thing? All I know is that if I ever have a sociopathic kid, I probably won’t default to teaching him the right people to kill. I’ll probably start with therapy. Throw in some mind-massaging medications. See where that goes. I don’t have to worry about that, though. Whatever sort of child rears up out of my scrotum isn’t going to be a serial killer. He’ll be a manic depressive and lord willing I’ll try the same methods I would if he were a sociopath. Worst comes to worse he’ll end up like me, masturbating and playing video games. It’s a solid existence, if not a valorous one.

Maybe Harry just didn’t want to accept that the crying little duder he dragged out of a blood-filled shipping container was broken. His raw love for Dexter overrode what was an obvious need to rock whatever sort of healthcare provider he had and get his son a serious set of cognitive behavior therapeutics.

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This Week On DEXTER: “Are You…?”

October 3rd, 2012 by Caffeine Powered

Holy taint, Dexter is back on its game. After seasons of circling the nipples, it has clamped back down with a vengeance. Teeth grinding while you arch your back in unexpected pleasure. Pain. Something-such. Draw in your breath and prepare for the terminal descent, as it looks like the writers are finally willing to play with an endgame. The season seven premiere had me diddling my taint with anxiety for a solid hour, before sucker punching me in the groin while I screamed yes.

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THIS WEEK ON Dexter: This is the Way the World Ends

December 19th, 2011 by Caffeine Powered

It only took nearly twelve episodes, but something dope finally happened on Dexter. As the door swung shut on the season the writers decided to throw us starving wolves a grizzled piece of meat to gnash our teeth on for ten months or so. It only took nearly twelve episodes, but the writers have delivered a trajectory for the final two seasons. Incestuous complications and abject horrifying revelations await those of us who will return from this season – an exercise in apathy – and hope for greener pastures as the Bay Harbor Butcher and his brother-lusting sister complete their journey through the wilds of Miami Metro.

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THIS WEEK ON Dexter: Talk To The Hand

December 12th, 2011 by Caffeine Powered

For the love of all that is holy I’m fucking done with this season of Dexter. Or whatever has become of it, which seems to be a pastiche of HBO television tropes. We have the incestuous vibes from Game of Thrones, the insufferable psychoanalysis of the Sopranos, and the Six Feet Under (Hi David!) prolonged dream sequences. Meanwhile people are running around and Colin Hanks is trying really, really hard to make grim faces. Let’s rock out this shiz with some bullet point blitzes.

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THIS WEEK ON Dexter: Ricochet Rabbit

December 5th, 2011 by Caffeine Powered

Let’s not complain about Dexter this week. Let’s just not do it. Waddle over to that Pharma-Installation that’s mandated to be in every house now. Take the happy pill.   Snap it between your teeth and smile. It’s Christmas time, and if you’re not eating elbows from Soccer Moms and swearing in the parking lots that mayhaps there’s a chance you’re ready to swing with some fucking Yuletide cheer. Showtime has already announced that the end of Dexter is coming. The end game approaches. So let’s just smile and gently wait for the final descent to begin.

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THIS WEEK ON Dexter: Get Gellar

November 28th, 2011 by Caffeine Powered

The finale to this week’s Dexter is going to be the raging chasm of debate that’ll spurn on the rest of the season. Either you’re digging the titty-twisting-tweak to the Doomsday Killer storyline or you’re throwing yellow flags and screaming foul on the play. Drunk with Turkey and Gravy and Commerce after this Thanksgiving weekend, you’re either giggling burping sloppy animal juice or you’re slathered in hate and carbohydrates condemning the writers as manipulative hacks.

Well, where do you land?

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THIS WEEK ON Dexter: Sin of Omission

November 21st, 2011 by Caffeine Powered

It’s going to be hard to weep for dumb ass Dexter in two seasons when the show concludes. With a crying Deb laying over his splattered skullcap, cursing the Nefarious Fates for weaving such a tale, I won’t weep with her. As the season continues trudging towards its somewhat blasé ending, one thing is becoming painstakingly clear.  Dexter is a douchebag.

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THIS WEEK ON Dexter: Nebraska

November 14th, 2011 by Caffeine Powered

Dexter rolled out this week with his bro 4 life, and afterlife. It was a switch I didn’t see coming. If this was an RPG, it would be a totally arduous but ultimately rewarding side-quest. It didn’t add to the main narrative, but it was an interesting sojourn. Plus!, the loot was fantastic. Dexter gained two talent points that he could place in Sanity, which is clutch.

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THIS WEEK ON Dexter: Just Let Go

November 7th, 2011 by Caffeine Powered

I was wrong about this season’s Dexter. If you can draw a thesis from a season of a television show midway through (and I’m not sure you can), then I would argue that it’s not about Faith at all. No sir. That’s the Red Herring. Don’t buy into it. By the end of “Just Let Go”, with Brother Sam dad and Dexter seeing his serial killing brother it became pretty fucking apparent.

This season is about choice of interpretation.

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THIS WEEK ON Dexter: The Angel of Death.

October 31st, 2011 by Caffeine Powered

Is anything going on in this season of Dexter? Is there ice on the tarmac? What the fucking is going on. I couldn’t believe when I heard that this was the fifth episode of the season. It’s a yawntacular batch of nothingness. It’s the television equivalent of entropy. It isn’t good, it isn’t bad. It’s just…there.

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