Search Engine Terms: Rapture Comes From BioShock Boning.

July 26th, 2011 by Caffeine Powered

[Search Engine Terms come from an app in the Word Press dashboard. It tells you the terms that people are using in google to lead to your site. Most of ours are ultra depraved and horrible. And amusing to sick people like me.]

I wish I had some idea why BioShock Porn is currently a hot topic among people on the internet. There’s been a run on dudes and dudettes needing their fill of Big Daddy drilling or something. Whatever the case, it’s been the lead search term bringing people to the site for the past two days.

 

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Search Engine Terms: Spanking It To Art.

January 24th, 2011 by Caffeine Powered

[Search Engine Terms come from an app in the Word Press dashboard. It tells you the terms that people are using in google to lead to your site. Most of ours are ultra depraved and horrible. And amusing to sick people like me.]

If you can’t fap to art, what the fuck is the point? Particularly art featuring set in latex heaven.

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Let’s Compare The PlayStation Move To A Dildo. Ready, Fight!

November 30th, 2010 by Caffeine Powered

An intrepid soul out there in the netherealms of the internet came looking for answers. Deep, philosophical answers. Namely, this soul wanted to know what was more dope ass for vaginal or anal penetration: the PlayStation Move, or a dildo. When I saw that question sitting unanswered in my Search Engine terms, I was flabbergasted. Why hadn’t I, fan of both dildos and anal play, considered this question for the ages.

I’m going to be honest, I don’t own a PlayStation Move or a dildo. Missing both of them to the detriment of my mortal life. So everything is pure speculation. I don’t know which I’ll own first, or if I’ll ever muster up the bravery to stick the Move into my butt (probably not, I’m scared of the little orb popping off), but should I buy either, I’ll update this space.

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Search Engine Terms: Breasts Vomiting

November 4th, 2010 by Caffeine Powered

[Search Engine Terms come from an app in the Word Press dashboard. It tells you the terms that people are using in google to lead to your site. Most of ours are ultra depraved and horrible. And amusing to sick people like me.]

Well then, apparently I’ve learned a new (impossible) fetish.

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Search Engine Terms: Bible Thumpers Are Finding Us

October 27th, 2010 by Caffeine Powered

[Search Engine Terms come from an app in the Word Press dashboard. It tells you the terms that people are using in google to lead to your site. Most of ours are ultra depraved and horrible. And amusing to sick people like me.]

Yesterday, I posted about Rob Liefeld’s awesome take on a particular bible verse: Matthew 27:51-52. You know, Zombie Jesus and shit. Since then, said verse has been trending in the search terms that bring people here.

Oh Jesus.

Maybe the people are searching for it, because of Zombie Jesus, and coming here. But if they aren’t? I almost feel remorseful. Just a good God-fearing bible thumper wanting to brush up on some verse. Then they stumble across this Den of Debauchery. If we’re not enough to send a b-boy of Christ into a Eucharist binge, I don’t know what would be. I can picture then just smashing Christbody wafers between teeth, frantically rattling off Hail Marys.

I almost feel bad. Then I giggle.

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Search Engine Terms: Sex Like Super Mario?

September 7th, 2010 by Caffeine Powered

[Search Engine Terms come from an app in the Word Press dashboard. It tells you the terms that people are using in google to lead to your site. Most of ours are ultra depraved and horrible. And amusing to sick people like me.]

Is this shit anything like the Supermanfuck? If so, I want in.

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Search Engine Terms: Duke Nukem BJs For All!

September 5th, 2010 by Caffeine Powered
[Search Engine Terms come from an app in the Word Press dashboard. It tells you the terms that people are using in google to lead to your site. Most of ours are ultra depraved and horrible. And amusing to sick people like me.]

Geeks have spoken. They care about very particular things. Like, Duke Nukem Forever blow jobs.

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Search Engine Terms: Gettin’ Erotic With Star Wars

August 17th, 2010 by Caffeine Powered

[Search Engine Terms come from an app in the Word Press dashboard. It tells you the terms that people are using in google to lead to your site. Most of ours are ultra depraved and horrible. And amusing to sick people like me.]

Don’t pretend you haven’t.

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Search Engine Terms: Mom My Boobs Are Growing?

August 9th, 2010 by Caffeine Powered
[Search Engine Terms come from an app in the Word Press dashboard. It tells you the terms that people are using in google to lead to your site. Most of ours are ultra depraved and horrible. And amusing to sick people like me.]

I remember in my senior year of high school when I was killing twelve-packs of regular Pepsi and going to Wendy’s every day, my breasts began growing. I was so confused, as my man-titties began to unfurl themselves and fill my t-shirts with he-mammaries. And I remember then, that I wished I could read a comic book about them, to explain why I was becoming a fat fuck.

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Search Engine Terms: Bayonetta Doles Out Handies

July 14th, 2010 by Caffeine Powered
[Search Engine Terms come from an app in the Word Press dashboard. It tells you the terms that people are using in google to lead to your site. Most of ours are ultra depraved and horrible. And amusing to sick people like me.]

In the future, when you can create your own temporal temporary bio-organic constructs out of your Matter Master 4000, you’ll be able to create your own Bayonetta construct. Built out of ultra-decay flesh that gives away after twelve hours, and no consciousness but a list of traits you string together in the Matter Master 4000 software, she’ll be able to jerk you off for that sweet half day. And after her inevitable combustion into a pile of pseudo-snot and black leather-gone-goop, you’ll be able to flush her down the toilet and forget about her.

But for now? You just need to google “Bayonetta Handjob” and live vicariously through scribblings. Sorry.

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