You have to tip your cap to this man. He drove a semi-truck into an porn store, in order to gain access to the jack-off device of his balls’ dreams. An $800 sex toy complete with poon and bung to fill with his seed. You need to see the news clip, it’s as utterly ridiculous as the news story. Including the phrase “he wasn’t screwing around, either!”
Hit the jump for the video.
Well, it was only a matter of time. Sex game company ThriXXX has finally done the perv world a solid and hacked Kinect. They didn’t just hack it for fun, no sir. They hacked it to create a virtual interface for rubbing boobs, butts, and down the road: a lot more.
They want to add full-body support and voice commands.
I gotta level with you guys. I’m a goddamn pervert, and even I find this shit uncomfortable. There’s something about menacingly rubbing some virtual chick’s bits as she stares emptily at you that creeps me the fuck out. Though, I’m sure, this will only turn (a lot of ) people on moreso.
Hit the jump for this beauty (?) in motion.
An intrepid soul out there in the netherealms of the internet came looking for answers. Deep, philosophical answers. Namely, this soul wanted to know what was more dope ass for vaginal or anal penetration: the PlayStation Move, or a dildo. When I saw that question sitting unanswered in my Search Engine terms, I was flabbergasted. Why hadn’t I, fan of both dildos and anal play, considered this question for the ages.
I’m going to be honest, I don’t own a PlayStation Move or a dildo. Missing both of them to the detriment of my mortal life. So everything is pure speculation. I don’t know which I’ll own first, or if I’ll ever muster up the bravery to stick the Move into my butt (probably not, I’m scared of the little orb popping off), but should I buy either, I’ll update this space.
One of the more ludicrous themes in recent porn flicks description is something like: “Three chicks being mean to a dude with hogtied BJ.” Every time, I can’t help but remark at the ridiculousness of this description. Let me tell you, Porn Descriptors of the World: three chicks on a dude is never mean and always awesome. Okay?
For that matter, three dudes on a dude is probably never anything but awesome. And three chicks on a chick is also probably never anything but awesome. Oh no! There’s a group of people tending to my sexual needs in an overwhelming quantity!
I mean, I’m sort of exempting any sort of BDSM or torture from my argument. If these chicks have tied down said dude and are lacerating his junk with pins and needles, okay, you got me. But almost every time, they just sit him down and then continue to reinforce the typical tropes porno, that admittedly is pretty cool to my ignorant ass. “Oh no! There’s three girls! And they all want to touch my penis! It’s soooo mean!” Yeah, the dude is positively suffering. If anything, the most pain he’s experiencing is the pounding of his excited heart about to burst in his god dam chest.
Not buying it.
I was watching the Sex Files II trailer (it’s SFW) when I saw their analog of the Lone Gunmen. And I remember how fucking cool these guys were. I totally wanted to play Team Fortress with them back in the day while they unraveled conspiracies and shit. Never forget!
In the future, when you can create your own temporal temporary bio-organic constructs out of your Matter Master 4000, you’ll be able to create your own Bayonetta construct. Built out of ultra-decay flesh that gives away after twelve hours, and no consciousness but a list of traits you string together in the Matter Master 4000 software, she’ll be able to jerk you off for that sweet half day. And after her inevitable combustion into a pile of pseudo-snot and black leather-gone-goop, you’ll be able to flush her down the toilet and forget about her.
But for now? You just need to google “Bayonetta Handjob” and live vicariously through scribblings. Sorry.
Helllllllllll, yeah! I haven’t updated Search Engine Terms in a while. There’s been a bunch of good searches, but I was proud of this newest one.
Fucking in Superman Position! It’s well documented that I pioneered the Superman Fuck. Now we have like minded individuals looking for a home, wanting nothing more than to advance their sexual techniques. Well my friends, you’ve come to the correct place for fucking in various superhero positions.
Welcome!
I also want to give a shout out to Superman Cum Shots. I really want to meet the people who are down with such things. They’ll either be really cool, or they’ll trap me in their dungeon and rape me ruthlessly. Either way, I uh, win!
This is Meghan McCain. Daughter of John McCain. Apparently she posted this on her Twitter, and it resulted in some controversy or something:
Via Egotastic:
The daughter of Republican Presidential nominee, John McCain, posted a photo of herself in a tank top while at home, and apparently it has caused some kind of controversy, since it seems some people just can’t handle magnificently big breasts. Meghan has gone so far as to consider closing her Twitter account, and has strangely apologized to those she has “offended.”
Meghan McCain seems to have the assets to bring people together. Man, woman, young or old, c’mon, you gotta give it up. Don’t be a hater.
I’m sorry for those already offended. But I have a serious question. Or rather, a juvenile question that crossed my mind. Does triple penetration count, if you’re cheesing it with a sex toy instead of a finger or even tongue or weiner?
I mean, I find it impressive. Don’t get me wrong. But it’s sort of like how the Red Sox won the Wild Card with a Rangers’ loss. It counts, but it just isn’t the same. C’mon, you know you want to comment.
The dudes behind Ninja Gaiden 2 Sigma have been promoting one thing: The fact that you can shake female characters’ boobs with your Sixaxis controller. In addition to being horribly objectifying and focused on the lowest common denominator (all of us), Tecmo has now gone and cut a TV commercial that features only one thing: boobs jiggling. Young and old and fat and skinny men shaking their controller to get some boobs hopping. It’s eerie. It’s brilliant? Check out the video after the jump.
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