#Monday Morning Commute

Monday Morning Commute: Face-Smashed Freedom

Face-Smashed Freedom

Smash your face through the glass.

Don’t resist. Why resist? Because you think there’s another way out? Because you think that someone will come to save you? Because you think the robot sent to murder you would rather have a smoke break instead?

There isn’t. They won’t. It wouldn’t.

So with your arms tied behind your back and that glass window the only means of egress at your disposal, you’ve only got one viable option. You’ve got to smash your face through that fucking glass, projectile yourself through the jagged shards, and pray to Baal that you don’t fatal-nick any of your precious heart-tubes.

But if you pull it off, you’ll be staved. Not saved — `cause no who’s been targeted by one of those clunky metal fucks gets away forever – but staved. And don’t give me any shit about the “you” not being the direct object or that it’s “the inevitable” or “your demise” that’s been “staved off,” because I know what the fuck I’m going for here.

Anyways, I hear the gears and whirrings of a Kill-Bot coming. So, what’re you going to do? Accept your doom or fight for a few more minutes of possibility? What do I suggest?

Smash your face through the glass.

—-

Welcome to the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE!

Now that you’ve survived a worrisome bit of drivel-fiction, it’s time to share the fun stuff we’ll be doin’ this week! What’re you puttin’ into your brain so that it lights up? What’s the rock that you’ll be rollin’ to get through the workin’ days?

Let’s go!

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Monday Morning Commute: claw. tooth. & nail.

claw. tooth. & nail.

Welcome to the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE!

What’s this weekly feature, you ask? Well, first I’m going to batter your brain with some drivel-fiction sci-fi nonsense. After that, I’m going to share some of the entertainment foodstuffs I’ll be devourin’ over the course of the week. Y’know, as a means of sustaining joy during the spirit-threatin’ workdays.

But wait! The best part is when everyone who isn’t me jumps into the comments section to share what they’ll be doing this week! So enough with the prelude, let’s go for it!

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Monday Morning Commute: The Long Winter

monday morning commute the long winter

Man, fuck the winter. I have always romanticized, and quite frankly enjoyed, the winter. But not this year, friends. Not this year at all. I can’t handle the barren HellScape this year. Whereas in past I rejoiced in scaling it with snowbeast in tow, this year it’s just a reminder of the fact that it isn’t May. But it’s not the physical hardships that have me ground down. I can do the cold and the snow.

It’s the emotional. More than usual, my brain-veins are struggling to pump. I can reason with the weather, but I can’t reason with the malaiseyonnaise struggling to course through the meat-electricity of my flesh-bag. So, I must confess I just haven’t been able the mental wherewithal to write this son of a bitch.

But, I’m here now! So, while whatever chemicals are sloshing around relatively favorably in my body, I shall let you know what I’m looking forward to this week. Or rather since it’s Wednesday, what I’m looking forward to, and what I’ve been enjoying.

This is Monday Morning Commute.

By way of Wednesday afternoon.

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Monday Morning Commute: Rainmaker, The One Who Makes It Rain

the one who makes it rain

Back to life, friends. Back to reality. At least, for people like me who are fortunate enough to have spent the last week wallowing in excess and friendship. So I have returned to reality, and I’m currently sitting in a very quiet Writing Center, writing very quietly.

None the less.

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Monday Morning Commute: Third Time’s a Charm

Third Time's a Charm

Three more times.

I’ll go in on Monday and they’ll give me a shot in the neck. It’s to thin the blood or unclog an artery or loosen the lung-junk or some shit. Truthfully, I wasn’t really listenin’ too carefully when Doctor Familiabeutt was explainin’ everything. Fuck, why would I? When someone’s explainin’ complicated plans that they’re goin’ to stick to and you’re just showin’ up for, it’s no good to ask questions and it’s just as bad to listen carefully. Just get the broad strokes, nod your head, offer a smile – or, in this case, a half-smile, and move along.

Two more times.

On Wednesday they’re goin’ to clip my toes. Not my toenails, my goddamn toes. Again, I wasn’t hearin’ his words too closely, but Doc said somethin’ or other about toes shootin’ clean off during the final step of the procedure. And, given the task at hand, it wouldn’t really matter for me, but apparently it often left the office a bloody mess. So, in the middle of the week I’d say goodbye to my ten little piggies.

One more time.

On Friday I’ll take my final trip to the Medical Offices of Temporary Corporeal Vessels. After checking in, Doctor Familiabeutt will hook up my gonads and forearms to the fleshlectrodes. After being given the opportunity to say a final word or two and sip upon a beverage of my choice – I’m choosing Dr. Pepper – the switch’ll be flipped.

I hate goin’ to the doctor’s office, but at least this week I know that third time’ll be a charm.

—-

Welcome to the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE!

I’m going to give you a heads-up about some of the ways I’ll be surviving the workweek. Then, you hit up the comments sections and tell us about what you’ll be doing to survive. It’s entertainment show-and-tell at its best, worst, and kookiest.

Let’s rock!

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Monday Morning Commute: Bro, that is bad ass

monday morning commute bro that is bad ass

Monday Morning Commuteon a fucking Monday? Up is down! Left is right! The Earth is saved, humanity operates on a higher than base, cruel level, and the Eagles are winning the Super Bowl!

Nothing makes sense, friends! Nothing! But, here we are anyways.

Nothing makes sense, friends! Nothing! But, when has it ever, anyways?

I hope you’re doing fantastic. May your sexual glands be drained, your cups full of your beverage of choice, and your stomach stocked with your preferred form of caloric corpulence.

This right here is the aforementioned Monday. Morning. Commute! The weekly wank-off session where I tell you all the things helping me get through this particular work week. Then! Oh, then! Just as importantly, I hope you’ll share what you’re up to in the comments.

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Monday Morning Commute: It’s Just A Fountain Soda, Who Cares?

monday morning commute you saw nothing

Reentry into reality sucks, today. My bowels are still building seriously slippery turds. My sleep schedule is fucked. My brain is staggering around, attempting to figure out how to imbue in students a sense of urgency and discipline that I myself don’t have. But, what can I do? Knuckle up, hunker down, and bang out the rest of the semester.

What can, oh whatever can get me through this week? The rest of the semester? Why, a multitude of things! Why, a multitude of things, condensed into two.

First, the various distractions, distinctions, and arts and farts I’m about to list below!

After all, that’s the whole point of Monday Morning Commute. To share you’re looking forward to this week.

Second, your happenings this week, in the comments section!

After all, that’s the whole point of Monday Morning Commute. To share you’re looking forward to this week.

Without further ado, adieu, to the preamble.

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‘Captain Marvel’ casts Jude Law as its male lead. Well, dude finally gets a comic book movie

captain marvel jude law male lead

Jude Law was sweating being in a Watchmen movie back in the day, but that didn’t happen. Zack Snyder had other designs, like shitting on the property before turning his destructive eyes towards the DCU proper. However, now Law is finally getting into the capes-and-lasers game.

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Monday Morning Commute: A Holiday Special On Ennui!

monday morning commute a holiday special on ennui

How’s it going, folks? Are you segueing into Corpulence Season well? You must prepare to fulfill your duty as a member of the Empire!

Consumption! Things! Stuff! Food! Consumption! Consumption! Consumption!

Hail, Hail, Hail!

Toe the line! Nay, stand in line! You must be checking out mentally while checking out virtually, physically! The form doesn’t matter, only the consumption! The filling and emptying of stomachs, shopping carts, bank accounts, guts, shelves, savings.

Consumption! Things! Stuff! Food! Consumption! Consumption! Consumption!

That’s a negative spin on the whole ordeal, isn’t it?

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Monday Morning Commute: Perpetual Fatigue Machine

monday morning commute perpetual fatigue machine

…and a fucking hearty salutation to everyone! As I predicted last week, it seems that Tuesday Evenings are the new Monday Morning this semester. I’m going to level with you folks, I’m fucking tired these days. My malignant malaise is equal parts Being In The Teeth of the Semester, Chemical Imbalance, and an Ever Increasing Lack of Sunlight.

Why, just mustering up this column begs a good amount out of me.

You know, after a ten hour work day.

You know, after going to the gym.

You know, after unpacking my bags.

You know, after walking the dog.

So on, and so forth.

But, I’m here. Hopefully, you are too. This is Monday Morning Commute. On a Tuesday Evening. Within these walls, I’m going to tell you what’s getting me through the week.

What I’m watching.

What I’m playing.

Et cetera.

I hope you’ll join me in the comments section with your own happenings.

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